Saturday, April 14, 2012

Action 329 - Look To The Future.

(This is the fourth in a five part series on depression and suicide, and this will be the one entry that I truly enjoy writing.)

I’ve read that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And it’s true. The problem is, when we are stuck in that dark place, we can’t see a way out. The idea that there will come a time when we are once again happy isn’t a possibility.

And yet, time after time, it’s true. The dark moments are just that, moments, and they are not the sum of our lives.

I’m living proof of this, and I mean that in every way possible. In December, I felt like everything was crashing down around me and my life was falling apart. Some of it was legitimate worrying, in that I was dealing with tough professional and financial matters. But they were just problems to handle, not reasons to leave this life.

And fast forward a few months. Here I am today, emerging from the drama, a little battered and bruised but still standing. And instead of feeling like I did in December, I am bursting at the seams with excitement about the adventures I have ahead of me over the next year.

I have several running events scheduled, including the Pasadena Marathon in May. In June, I will be reunited with my extended Marine Corps Family in Las Vegas. In October, I will fly to Austin and lead a team of new friends and long-time friends on a crazy relay race to the Coast. And in January, I will run the “Ironman Leg” as Runner 12 in the Ragnar Florida Keys event, running from Miami to Key West.

These are just some of the adventures that are ahead for me. And who knows what other amazing opportunities will present themselves between now and then? All I do know that I will be around to see them, because no bad day or tough time is enough to keep me down for long.

Action 329 – Look To The Future. Back in December, I had no idea that all of these wonderful things were coming. And yet, they are. I know how I felt at the time, but looking back, I don’t get it. What the heck was I thinking that I let myself descend into such a horrible, dark place?

I wasn’t thinking, that’s what. Instead, I was letting my insecurities and my doubts control my life. And what a sad way to go through life. I know better. I know that life will continue to carry me to places and into adventures that I can’t even imagine right now.

I will have dark days again, I’m sure. It’s part of my life. I can’t just wish depression away. But what I can do is be prepared for it, have a plan of action for dealing with it, and never, ever lose sight of the fact that my future days are golden, indeed.

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