DailyOM - "Contracting Before Expanding"

I subscribe to the DailyOm, and for the attractive price of zero dollars, each weekday I receive a thinking prompt. Often, I skim through it because I don't feel connected to the topic, but sometimes... wow. And a couple of days ago, the message felt spot-on targeted directly to me.

Contracting before Expanding

It is a natural part of being, that our lives sometimes contract before expanding. Sometimes our lives contract before they expand. We may be working hard on ourselves spiritually, doing good in the world, following our dreams, and wondering why we are still facing constrictions of all kinds -- financial, emotional, physical. Perhaps we even feel as if we've lost our spirituality and are stuck in a dark room with no windows. We may be confused and discouraged by what appears to be a lack of progress. But sometimes this is the way things work. Like a caterpillar that confines itself to a tiny cocoon before it grows wings and flies, we are experiencing the darkness before the dawn.   When things feel tight, it's easy to panic or want to act in some way to ease the feeling of constriction. We might also spin our wheels mentally, trying to understand why things are the way they are. However, there is nothing we need to do at this time other than to be patient and persevering. We can cling to the awareness that we are processing the shift from one stage to another, and the more we surrender to the experience, the more quickly we will move through the tightness into the opening on the other side.

I recently stepped back from Facebook for two reasons. One, I need to spend some time focused on my own emotional and mental wellbeing and not just worried about helping and supporting everyone else. And two, I want to work on my course content for upcoming webinars. But I've been struggling with my own mood and with staying on track with the work. And then I got this DailyOM email and the words resonated so strongly with me. Yes, it feels like I have contracted and my world got smaller. But that's okay and even to be expected. I have turned my energy inward and I'm concentrating everything on two tasks. I don't need to worry that my absence from the spaces I normally occupy are somehow permanent. Everything I know and love will still be there waiting when I return. And that helps me focus even more intently now on the work I really feel called to do.

Introducing "Affirmators"

First, let me just say... I'm back. It's been months since I have felt like posting anything to my blog, but that changes now. And I'll start with a selfie I took yesterday. This is me, nearly a year into pandemic hibernation. The hair and the beard grow a little longer, but then Ric gives me a haircut, I shave, and I look cleaned up again.

In other news, I'm spending several weeks off of Facebook. I am isolating a bit from social media and working on a few personal things, instead. I'm puttering around on Twitter a bit and dusting off this blog, but FB is on hold until Spring, at least.

I've been trying to focus on my own emotional and mental well-being. Dealing with a global pandemic in 2020 was tough on all of us, of course. On top of that, I went through an ugly personal  situation that resulted in a painful, permanent, but necessary separation from a family member. And also like many of us, I spent time soul-searching and made the decision to distance myself from many people who have demonstrated that they have very different priorities regarding political, social, and cultural issues. They likely feel the same about the positions I take, but candidly, that isn't my concern, anymore. I wish them good lives, but I no longer wish to be in them. It's better for all of us, I'm sure.

So, all of that said, it's been a tough year with new challenges. Add to that the unresolved issues of the past that I seem to routinely drag back out into the light, and clearly, I need to get my shit together once and for all.

And that brings me to the "Affirmators." They are described by their creator like this:

Even pessimists like a little positivity, so comedian Suzi Barrett created these inspirational-but-not-cheesy affirmation cards. Providing the fun of a horoscope with a little less woo-woo, and full of positive affirmations, this whimsical box will help you help yourself, no shamanistic consult required!

Here's my plan. I am not going to preview any of the cards. Instead, each Saturday, I'll select another one, read the message, and spend the next week trying to incorporate whatever positive lesson there is into my day-to-day living.

There are fifty cards, so I can do this for almost a year. That sort of consistent positive thinking has to have a good influence, right? I'll find out.

So, this is a little weird right out of the gate. The instructions with the deck suggest shuffling them without looking at the front of any of them, and then selecting one that feels like the message I need right now.

I did.

And I got a card that feels tailor-made for me in this very moment.

Week 01: Don't Take It Personally

This one is pressing all the buttons, mostly because I am currently putting distance between myself and many of my Marine Corps brothers. We were friends thirty years ago and have stayed connected since, but truthfully, many of us have grown apart and developed very different views on the world. Seeing this card - with the camouflage backpack - feels like it's speaking directly to those military connections.

So, this week, I'll keep this card front and center at my desk and put some real thought into the message. And if someone is less than kind to me, I'll try to remember that it's all about them and what is happening in their life. It's only about me if I let it be. Instead, I need to remember that they are free to say whatever they want and I am equally as free to not bother listening.

Let's see what kind of impact a full week can have when I keep repeating,"if you don't enjoy the message or the messenger, feel free to disengage."  

I'll Take This Victory.

Some days, I feel awesome, like I can take on the world and win. Other days, it's as if the universe is conspiring against me and I've failed at everything before I even begin.

And that's the reality of life. There will always be tough days. But even a bad day can have bright spots. And if you can't find one, make one.

Today, my great moment came as I finished today's Sunrise 5k. I had set a goal, met it, and even slightly exceeded it. So no matter what else comes my way today, this victory is mine to celebrate all day long.

And The Student Will Become The Master.

Not so long ago, a Marine Corps Brother of mine kept seeing my posts about health and fitness and decided to make a few changes of his own. Shortly after, I had the honor and joy of accompanying him on his first half marathon run. It was a brutal experience for him, but he stuck with it and finished all 13.1 miles.

The last mile of the half marathon, and Jeff is all go and no quit!

Fast forward to yesterday's Depot Days Run. That same Marine Corps Brother, Jeff Lester, took first place in his age division for the 5 Mile Run. And he has the big, shiny trophy to prove it.

Who got a shout-out? This guy. How cool is that?!

I imagine Jeff is feeling proud of himself, but honestly, he can't be any prouder than I am of him. He credits me for getting him started, but this is really a story of full circle inspiration. Because right now, I am seeing what he is doing and thinking, "hey, it's time to step up my training if I want to keep up with this guy... he's a rock star!"

I'll see Jeff later this week in Texas. We are both teammates, running the Capital to Coast Relay from Austin to Corpus Christi. And right now, I'm just hoping I can keep pace with him.

Congrats, Brother. You earned it!

Watching Your "Wait"

Is this you?

• "When I drop twenty pounds, I'm going to start running."
• "Once I'm healthier, I'll run a 5k."
• "I'm going to sign up for one of those relay races when I lose this gut."
• "I wish I was in shape enough to train for a marathon."
• "I'm too fat to jog."

If you have no idea why anyone would say those things, good for you. Great for you, actually. But, if you have heard those words coming out of your mouth, we need to talk.

The road to physical fitness begins the moment you decide that you want to improve your health. It's that simple. You might choose to drink a glass of diet soda instead of regular soda or choose water in place of any soda at all. You might take a walk instead of spending an afternoon watching television while sitting on the couch. Or you might opt for a smaller portion of your dinner or skip the usual seconds.

Whatever you do, your very first action starts you on your journey. So go with it. Let yourself experience all the new and amazing things that come your way. Leave fear behind and embrace the opportunities.

And do them as soon as you possibly can. Don't wait. Check with your doctor, get cleared to start, and get moving!

Start biking. Or walking. Or running. Or all of those things. Running helps you drop extra pounds, so why wouldn't you want to do it as soon as possible? (My teammate, Carly, started running when she was 349 pounds. What's your excuse?)

Sure, you will run a faster 5k after you lose weight and get healthier. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't run one now. Sign up and go for it.

Sign up for a relay race. Or a half marathon. Or an obstacle race. Who cares if you still have weight to lose? Who cares if your stomach isn't flat? Events aren't designed just for people with perfect bodies. They are designed for anyone and everyone willing to train for and compete in them. So go for it.

The point of this rambling blog is simple. Life continues while you are waiting for the perfect body, the right size, or to hit your goal weight. So stop watching your "wait." Say yes. Live the life that you want to live and trust that your body will catch up.

I'm not in my "perfect" shape right now. I haven't ever been, to be honest. But that hasn't stopped me. I've acted as if I was an athlete, signed for and competed in all kinds of "are you kidding?!" events. And each time, I walked away afterwards feeling a little stronger, a little prouder, and a whole lot happier.

Now's the time, folks. Step up and walk into your amazing new life.
____________________

And just for fun, I put this together on BitStrips. I'm pretty sure this is what it looks like in my kitchen as soon as I get home from my long runs.

After a long run, John pillages Ric's kitchen!

If You Don't Like It, Look Elsewhere.

Today's life lesson for me is simple. I am never going to please everyone else, and trying to do so will only result in me feeling physically exhausted, mentally overwhelmed, and emotional drained. And really, who wants that? 

Instead of spending time trying to give people what I think they want, I will focus on me. What can I do to be healthier? What will satisfy my own needs? What fuels my spirit and my soul? 

Perhaps you're wondering, how would that really play out in real life? Can a person actually get through the day focusing on actions that improve their life rather than reactions that help others? 

Yes, a person can. I can. And *YOU* can. And here's a real-life example for you to consider. 

Some people blog about their eating habits. Others blog about their physical fitness activities. Some share jokes or inspirational messages. And still others rant about people or things that bother them. In response to those different types of entries, people love to criticize. 

"Why do people post recipes? I can check the recipe section if want that." 
"Yeah, we get it, you work out every day. So what? We're tired of hearing about it." 
"That joke offends me." 
"I've seen that inspirational poster a hundred times today. People should stop posting it." 
"Stop complaining about your life. Others have it worse than you do." 

So you want to write a blog entry of your own but don't know what to do. How do you communicate your own thoughts without making someone else unhappy? 

Easy. You don't think about others at all. You write what is on YOUR heart, what is in YOUR mind, what matters to YOU. You act like a mature adult, focus on your words, and everyone else can take it or leave it. This is your journey, not theirs. 

Another example, this one personal? Sure. People tease me that I am always posting pictures of myself. I have been accused of being vain and full of myself. And I've actually been "advised" that people who aren't at their goal weight might be bothered by some of my photos. (Seriously. I've had all of those reactions over the last three years.) 

My response? "If you don't like it, look elsewhere." No one is forced to read my blogs, and if they are tired of my pictures, they have only themselves to blame for continuing to read my new ones. 

The message here is simple, my friends. You only have so much energy. Why waste any of it worrying about people that simply don't matter to your own success? Focus, instead, on you and your needs. 

Personally, I post photos of myself to remind me that I am no longer the man who hides from the camera. And that is a message worth hearing daily. 

 
(See? Smiling always makes a person look great!) 

Make The Right Comparison.

As many of you know, I'm part of a team of runners featured in an upcoming documentary, "From Fat To Finish Line."


From Fat to Finish Line : The Documentary from Media Meld Studios on Vimeo.

In just over a week, I'll be arriving in Florida and starting the most incredible part of my physical fitness journey. I'll meet my eleven teammates and we'll run our 200 hundred mile relay from Miami to Key West.

As we get closer to the relay, we're beginning our media blitz and really drumming up attention and excitement about the documentary. And that means sharing our stories - and our photos - on the team site, our Facebook page, and other social media sites.

This is one of the before/after photos of me that we have shared on the team site:

I think it's a great comparison of who I was and who I am now, but seriously, look at these photos of my teammates:

Amazing, right? I'll be honest. Sometimes, looking at my team, I feel, "how the heck did I get here?" I mean, look at these other people. Their photos are absolutely stunning. Each of them has done so much, and when I compare myself to them, I feel like my transformation doesn't match up.

But that's the point, isn't it? It doesn't compare. And it doesn't have to. 

Yes, it's true. I have been a little stressed about meeting everyone. Old tapes are playing in the back of my head about them not liking me, or me not fitting in, or even me feeling like an imposter who doesn't really belong with all of these obvious Success Stories.

But the new me is better able to handle these kinds of feelings. Instead of tearing myself down, I'm building myself up. No, I didn't lose a hundred pounds. Fine. That's not my claim to fame. What I have done is moved myself from a couch potato to a three-time marathon runner. I may not have appeared on national television to celebrate my accomplishments, but I have motivated several of my friends to start their own journeys to physical fitness and improved health. And I may not be in the perfect shape I wanted to be in as I head to Florida, but I am trained and conditioned and able to run 20+ miles on any given day.

My point? I need to make the right comparison. It isn't about feeling inadequate because my teammates are all so incredible and amazing. It's about feeling confident in the changes I have made and in the person I have become.

If there is any lesson for me to learn, it's that comparing myself to other people is a fool's errand. Behind someone else's "perfect" smile, they may be dealing with their own insecurities and fears. And the person living the great life may be struggling with personal problems hidden from the world. No one has a perfect life and no one has the one, single story of personal growth, change, and accomplishment.

I'm rambling now, but I feel like I can't get the words out fast enough. I want the man who can barely walk a mile but continues to push for more every day to feel good about his efforts. I want the woman who has lost five pounds but has two hundred more to go to feel proud of what she has done. I want the whole world to stop comparing themselves to the rest of the world and, instead, focus on the positive changes they have made - and continue to make - for themselves.

As I head to Florida, I will no doubt have moments where I feel like the rest of the team has more "right" to be there than I do. I'm only human and my insecurities don't just vanish because I want them to. But when I feel that way, I will remind myself that I am a part of the Fat To Finish project because I earned my place. I represent those of us who lost our spark, our passion, and are now willing to do whatever is necessary to get it back.

I will not compare myself to others. I will compare the me I am today with the person I was just two years ago. I am a success story. I have moved from fat to finish line. And I take my place on this team with pride.

Let's do this!

It's Not About The Pace.

I went for a run this morning. I ran nearly a minute slower than my normal pace. And yet, I'm very happy and have no problems at all with my performance. What gives?

It's simple. It's not always about the pace. Every run isn't going to be a Personal Best, and every workout won't be "OMG! Best Ever!"

My plan was to go to the gym this morning, but the 4:30am alarm came and went. I felt tired, exhausted even, and I really wanted an extra hour of sleep. And the sound of the rain outside was like a lullaby. So I chose to roll over, go back to sleep, and adjust the rest of my day as needed.

Since I didn't go to the gym this morning, I was able to get into the office by 6:30am. Uninterrupted and wide awake, I  got a lot accomplished before the rest of the crew came rolling in at 8:30. By 9:30, I was ready for a break. I changed into my running gear and headed out into the rainy morning.

(Yes, I am fortunate. I have a fair amount of flexibility with the hours I work and I also have a shower at the office. So I can go for a run during the day. I like that.)

But back to the pace. Running in the business-centric area of Mission Valley means dealing with traffic and stoplights. And today, it also meant negotiating some flooded areas and running in the cold rain. Clearly, it wasn't going to be one of my faster runs. What it turned out to be was one of my most enjoyable runs, though.

I ran for the fun of it. I enjoyed the feel of the cool rain and didn't think for a second about being too hot. I laughed out loud more than once seeing the "What the heck?!" looks on the faces of the people working in the offices as I ran by. And more than anything, I liked feeling like I was dedicated and motivated by running in the rain while others drove by and stared in disbelief.

My pace was slow, yes. But today's run wasn't about speed. It was about having a good time and proving to myself that deciding to sleep in once in a while doesn't have to automatically derail my training plans.

Post rain-run, ready to get inside!

My Rainy Day 5K Results

It Sucks To Be You, Right?

I'll be honest. Most days, it's easy to be me. I'm awesome. I have a cool job I really enjoy, I've had my amazing husband in my life for sixteen years, I'm surrounded by great friends, I have a fantastic extended family, and I have time and the financial ability to travel from time to time and experience races and other athletic events across the country. I have also dropped a lot of weight, gotten myself into shape, and changed myself from a couch potato to a three-time marathoner.

What's not to love, right? I must spend my days smiling from ear to ear because everything in my life is absolutely perfect. I am free to work out every day, I have the time to shop for and prepare healthy meals, and I have fitness buddies always ready to keep me motivated.  It seems perfect, doesn't it? All rainbows and sunshine.

Is that what you're thinking? Compared to your life, I have it easy, right? You have a job that makes you crazy. Or maybe you don't have a job at all and being unemployed is stressing you out. And free time? Pfft, as if. Between the kids and the chores and the cleaning and cooking and trying to take care of everyone else, you're lucky to have a moment to yourself. You don't have the money to buy new workout clothes or sign up for a gym or even buy workout DVDs. You can't afford to sign up for races, so you have nothing to train for and your motivation lags. Your eating is out of control because you can't afford to prepare multiple meals and your family won't eat healthy meals.

The list of obstacles is endless, and we haven't even talked about how you feel like working out is a waste of time since you won't stick with it, anyway, and everyone else sees results but your weight isn't changing. And no one notices that you're trying as hard as you can and you're doing your best and is it too much to ask that just one person takes the time to encourage you?!

Face it, the world is full of success stories, and you aren't one of them. You're still struggling to lose weight, or get to the gym regularly, or stop eating junk food, and this is the hundredth time you've tried to change your life but really, what's the point?

No, seriously. Stop. Enough with the browbeating and attacking yourself and focusing on all the things you don't have and can't do and will never be. This may come as a surprise to you, but worrying doesn't burn calories and beating yourself up isn't cardio. So why are you expending energy on things that don't do anything to make you feel better?

Yes, I get it. Your day-to-day life is clearly not designed to make it easy for you to focus on your health and physical fitness. You're pulled in every direction and everyone seems to need something from you. Well guess what? That is never going to change. The world will always be full of demands on your time. You need to start making your own demands.

And healthy eating is hard to do. Your co-workers keep bringing junk food to the office and insisting that you "... just try a little." Your family complains that they don't like the new things you cook and they just want things to be like they were. Your friends are upset that you aren't joining them for drinks and dinners and get-togethers, anymore. But it is you who decides what you are going to eat and how much of it, not your co-workers or family or friends.

So you don't have a support system. No one you know wants to run with you, or even go for walks, and you don't know a single person at the gym. There is no one to help you stay motivated. Okay, fine. But when all is said and done, it's up to you to workout. Having others with you can make it more fun, sure, but not having someone with you is no excuse for not doing it.

And the most challenging obstacle of all... your own heart and mind. Maybe you have already tried hundreds of times to lose weight. And maybe the only thing you hear from other people is criticism and disbelief. If they believe that *this time* is just one more failure waiting to happen, fine. Let them think that. It doesn't make it true. Your opinion is the only thing that matters. And your belief in yourself is all you need to succeed.

If it sounds like I am writing from experience, it's because I am. I have overcome all of these obstacles and more. I have been too busy to work out, too tired to cook, and too depressed to take care of myself. And since I'm being honest, I will admit that I still feel these things from time to time. But I have also been too stubborn to quit, too confident to fail, and too proud of myself to feel bad.

I am living proof that a person can change their life. And I'm also an example of someone who continues to have doubts, to struggle, and to feel like my life is out of control. But it's in those moments that I step back, remember how far I've come, and recommit myself to the things I really want - to be healthy, fit and confident.

Still think it sucks to be you? Okay, maybe some days it does. But if you have ten minutes to sit around and complain, you have ten minutes to take a walk. If you have the time to call a friend and grumble, you have time to prepare a healthy meal. And if you can spend hours watching TV, you can spend an hour watching the TV at the gym while you ride the bike, walk the stair climber, or run the treadmill.

Life is about choices. What choice are YOU going to make to get what you want? I chose to get up this morning at 4:30, to make sure that I had plenty of time at the gym to run a 5k, strength train, and get a fifteen minute cool down ride on the exercise bike. And that choice means that I will feel awesome all day long.

Post run and strength training, on my way to the bike.

A Picture Worth A Thousand Words

For those of us who have been obese, the journey to physical and mental health travels a very indirect line. It isn't as simple as "lose a few pounds, feel better about yourself."

The truth is, once we're fat, we may spend the rest of us lives seeing that same overweight person in every mirror and photograph taken of us. We can drop the extra pounds, tone up the muscles, and update and improve every part of our bodies. But still, we see the flab and fat and the rolls that once defined who we were.

But every once in a while, a miracle of sorts occurs. We see a photo of ourselves and we don't see the mistakes of yesterday. Instead, we see the promise of tomorrow. We look at the picture and we see the person that we believe we are becoming.

That miracle occurred for me this morning. I received an email from the AFC Half Marathon photo team letting me know that my race pictures were available. I reluctantly clicked the link, because truthfully, I never really like to look at pictures of me from races. I hate how I look, short and fat and awkwardly slogging my way to the finish line.

But still, I clicked. And I looked. And I couldn't stop looking. Because one of those photos leapt off the screen at me and said, "hey, look at me!" So I did. And I stared at it for a very long time. And the voices in my head weren't saying bad things. They were stunned into silence, I suppose.

Here I am, in the last mile of the America's Finest City Half Marathon.

I'll say it. I love every single thing about this photo. I'm not wasting a second on false modesty. And why should I? I can always find mean and insulting things to say about photos that I don't like of myself, so it's only fair that I say good things about this one that I love.

Visually, I appreciate that my running shirt and my shorts look good in the photo. Usually, the camera captures one leg of my shorts way too high or way too low, or they catch the shirt in some weird fold and it looks like it's too small for me. But this time, the clothes look like they fit well and are draped right where they're supposed to be. I love that.

And it's not just how the shirt looks. It's the shirt itself that is important to me. This picture shows the shirt I am wearing. Other than my wedding ring, this shirt is the single best gift I have ever received. It came from my Marine Brother, Jeff, who gave it to me to celebrate my completing the Pasadena Marathon. On the back of the shirt are all twenty-six names of the Marine Corps Heroes I honored along the marathon route. And on the front, in addition to "US Marines" and the Pasadena Marathon logo, you can see the Semper Fi Fund logo. With the help of friends, I raised $2,000 for this organization and I am proud to share their story with whomever will listen.

And what of me? Well, I'm not even going to pretend to be objective. I think my arms and legs look great. My form looks good, strong, and I'm covered in sweat from the heat. Heck, I might even be glistening. And who doesn't like that?

The look on my face reminds me just how grueling this run was. Physically, I had really struggled with the heat and the humidity. And mentally, I was exhausted from two hours of worrying about my Mom. (I received a voice mail just minutes before the race began letting me know that she was in the ICU in Texas, unable to breathe on her own.) I was tired in every way possible at this point in the race, but I knew I was going to make it. And I respect my own look of determination.

I realize that all of this praise for a photo of myself might come across as vain. Quite honestly, I don't care. I have beaten myself up time and time again over photos that I felt showed me in a less than flattering light. This time, I'm taking a different path. I like this picture and I think it captured every good thing about the AFC Half Marathon experience. More than that, it offers me a glimpse of the person I have been working so hard to create.

Arrogant? Perhaps. But I'm not apologizing for it.

Every F'ing Step.

Yep, it's a bit crude. Certainly not my normal language here. But sometimes, a lesson demands the exact truth.

Saturday morning, I woke up in a cranky mood. I had to get out and get my recovery day mile in, and I just didn't want to do it. Of course, I'm over 80 days into my Summer of Run Challenge, so I knew I was going to do it. I just didn't have to like it.

 Before heading out the door, I stopped to check Facebook. I saw that a friend had posted a message about a Marine funeral taking place just a few miles from my house. The family had made a request for volunteers to stand "guard" at the funeral, since the Westboro Baptist Church idiots had threatened to protest the funeral.

I saw the message just after 9:30am, so I had already missed my chance to go. But learning of this Marine's passing hit me hard. I shared this on my Facebook wall before I started running:

As I head out for my morning run, I'll be thinking of USMC Sgt Stephen E. "Zeb" Clemons, 2/4 Marines (Magnificent Bastards), Golf Co., being laid to rest just miles away from where I am. Stephen passed away at the age of 28 at Naval Medical Center, San Diego, due to complications of cancer. He is survived by his wife, Mother and Father. Stephen was an only child.

This morning, I won't complain or bitch about the heat, or the road, or the distance. I will rejoice with each step that I am alive and able to run. Today, I will not take my good health and able body for granted.

Reading about Sgt Clemons changed my perspective. Instead of just running my one mile recovery run, I decided to run the Marine Corps Physical Fitness Test distance of three miles. During the start of the last mile, as it was getting warmer and I was feeling out of breath, I reminded myself of my earlier promise. And I started saying, out loud, "Every. F*cking, Step. Every. F*cking. Step."

And in those moments, I ran a little faster and cried more than a few tears for a Marine I have never even met in person. But he was there pushing me and that made the difference today.

As I said, I realize the language is harsh. But those words are exactly what popped into my head as I was running. I choose to believe that a certain Marine Sergeant was running along with me to "gently encourage me" lest I think for a second about slowing down or stopping.

I have a body capable of doing great things. I pray for the mental strength to never forget that, to always remember that I have a responsibility to run for those who no longer can.

Semper Fi, Sgt Clemons. Godspeed, Devil Dawg.

 _________________

 And more about this Marine from a dear friend of his, Mariso...

 "That Boy loved his Country , defending it was his Pride & Joy. He was a deployed a few times, Iraq ( 2 times) and a MEU in 2009, and his last deployment to Afghanistan in Aug 2011, which sadly he couldn't complete, He had to come home in Oct because a Doctor diagnosed him with cancer. Steve or "Zeb" as he was referred to was a vibrant and joyful guy, like I said he loved his Country, his Country Music, his GUNS! and Dodge Trucks. Steve always had a big smile on his face, one of his favorite words to say was Awesome!

Nobody would believe how many times he volunteered to go to Afghanistan, even while on being on his last MEU he would talk about how he wanted to go and be in combat. He talked about it constantly. He loved it. He loved Scary movies, and loved Will Ferrell, Talladega Nights was one of his favorite movies, the redneck in him of course. He loved Mnt dew and Bud Light was his beer of choice. He was full of life , nothing would bring him down, nothing was ever too hard, no situation was ever too bad. 

He would take off the shirt on his back and would give it to anyone who might need it, because that was the way he was raised. He said Yes Ma'am and Yes Sir, he was a southern gentlemen, he opened doors, pulled chairs out, ect. His smile was contagious, he believed in being honest, no matter if it made people mad.

One of his favorite songs was Chicken Fried, by a country group called Zac Brown, " Salute the ones who die the ones who give their lives so we don't have to sacrifice all the things we love, like our chicken fried, cold beer on a Friday night a pair of jeans that fit just right and the radio on " was his favorite verse . Lets not get started on his love for Walmart.. he loved it , He proudly would wear his cut off shirts and his infamous RealTree cap with a Fish hook on it (that was his trade mark)."

Stephen was from Radcliff, Ky but was actually born in Germany on a military base, as his Dad was active duty at the time.

A.A.D. - Adult (Onset) Athletic Disorder

A.A.D. - Adult (Onset) Athletic Disorder:
The unexplainable transformation from couch potato to fitness freak that occurs in adults.

Let's hope there is no cure!

 

Halfway? Yeah, I can do this.

I may not feel like every day is the greatest run ever, but I keep going. And I will complete this challenge.

"Why do you keep talking about running?"

If you know me at all, you also know that I am very upfront and public about my running. I talk about it often, in person and online. And I'm sure to some people, it gets a little old.

"Why do you keep talking about running?"

Heck, there's even a funny ecard about it:

Why do I keep talking about it? Simple. Because talking and posting about it increases the likelihood that I'm actually going to do it.

For example, this morning, I posted this on SparkPeople and Facebook:

Run a 10k today? Why yes, I think I will!

After that, I grabbed my bag and headed out to the gym. I hopped on the treadmill and started running. As I finished my third mile, I thought, "pfft, I should stop at three." I was bored, I wasn't feeling the run, and I just wanted to quit. I couldn't, though.

Why? Because I had already a thousand Spark Buddies and four hundred Facebook Friends that I was going to run six miles. If I quit at three, I would have to explain why. And I couldn't just not post my run results, because then people would (rightfully) assume that I was trying to hide something.

Sharing my goals upfront makes me accountable for them. And that accountability is sometimes the only difference between my success or failure.

Sure, not everyone cares to read that I'm going for a run. Or that I'm satisfied with my distance or time. Or that I'm going to get out there tomorrow and do it again. But I don't post these things to impress other people. I post them because doing so helps my commitment to myself.

Now you know.

P.S. I also post them because, honestly, can anyone ever get enough of this smiling face?

Should You Be Running Right Now?

I love this and thought it was too good to not share.

"Everything is terrible. I feel so defeated."

I ran across a Panic! message board post earlier this morning, and the pain and sadness were so strong. This new member is just getting started but feels like she has already lost. I replied in the message thread, but I also wanted to blog about this. I think we all have these sort of moments and it's important that we know we are not powerless, we are not victims, and all is not lost. 
___________ 
Here's the message and my reply: 

"I was ready to start, motivated, and excited. I ate a healthy breakfast and made good choices today. Upon coming home this evening, I discovered that my pet died, my dad's cancer came back, and I failed a required class in school. I feel so defeated." 

I'm sorry you had that kind of day. Sounds horrible. Believe it or not, there is a different way to look at this. Instead of thinking, "I would have started except all this bad stuff happened," change your perspective. Try this: 

"Thank goodness I am starting to take better care of myself physically, because I am going to have a lot more to deal with emotionally and mentally. The healthier I eat, and the more active I remain, the stronger I will be to deal with whatever else comes my way." 

Yes, you had bad things happen. But why let yourself become one more bad thing to stress over? Why not let YOU be the one good, strong and healthy thing in your life while you deal with everything else? 

You can do this. Hang in there!
__________ 

I share all of this because I know how it feels. Right now, I'm dealing with the grief of losing a good friend, being laid-off from my job, another friend's nearly successful attempt at taking his own life, and more family stress than I can list. It's a lot to handle. Honestly, it feels like more than I can handle sometimes. It's as if the bad news isn't just pouring on me, it's drowning me. 

But I have a secret weapon. Me. I may not be able to control all that is going on around me, but I can most certainly control my own actions. I decide to fuel my body with healthy, nutritious foods instead of junk. I decide to spike my body with endorphins by working out every day instead of sitting like a lump on the couch. 

And it isn't just food and exercise. I decide to reach out to friends who make me happy instead of people who will tear me down with negativity. I choose to find the best I can in each moment. I choose to BE the best I can in each moment. 

It's not that I am living in denial. I know our financial situation is going to be tough until I go back to work. I know my friend is in a lot of pain and has a long way to go before he is himself again. And my family woes will likely never end. 

But I am not defined by the bad things going on around me. I am defined by how I choose to repond to them. And today, my response is to eat right, workout, and be happy for all the great things in my life. 

Happiness is a choice that I've made. 

 

P.S.: GIAFLAIR is the new Spark member who posted the original message. If you would like to give her a little encouragement, you can find her here: 
www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
ge.asp?id=GIAFLAIR 


(Originally posted on SparkPeople.com)

Moments of Doubt at Barter Hill

I went off to the gym this morning, confident I would work out but not really sure exactly what I was going to do. I'm on day 12 of my 31 day exercise challenge, and I'm mixing it up with biking, walking, and running. 

Anyway, I was heading to the gym and I decided I would run. When I hit the treadmill, I thought, "I can do a 10k this morning, no problem." 

And then I started running. I stepped off at 6.4mph with the plan of kicking it up .1 each half mile. Everything was going great until I hit Barter Hill. 

What is Barter Hill? It's not an actual hill, of course. It's that moment on a run when I start negotiating in my head to try to get out of my original plan. It goes something like this: 
__________ 

"I was going to run 6 miles, but I should just run 3, instead, and then do 30 minutes on the bike. Same cardio, but easier on my shins." 

"Why run a 10k? I should just do 30 minutes of cardio and then switch to strength training." 

"This is too much. Your shins hurt, don't they? Probably best if we just run the 5k and then you can go for a long walk this afternoon. Yeah, that's a great idea. You'll get another full hour of cardio." 
__________ 

Like I said, Barter Hill. And sometimes, it's too much for me and I cave. But not today. I skipped ahead in my music until I found a song that was faster and louder, cranked it up, and started running even harder. 

My plan today was a 10k. I did it. I ran 6.2 miles in 55:40, then I walked another .22 as a cool down to complete my hour. 

Suck it, Barter Hill. Today, I owned you! 
 

For The Right Reason

People start (and end) physical fitness programs for many different reasons. And ultimately, our reasons are our own and we do not have to justify them to others. That said, choosing to share something so personal and private is an important decision. 

I'm choosing to share my own reason because putting it down in writing makes it real. I'm choosing to share it in a public forum because it makes me accountable to others for the promises I am making. 

I am a good person. I love my husband, family and friends. I am dependable and stand by my word. I am someone that others look to for encouragement and support, lean on in times of trouble, and want to celebrate with in good times. I am proud of the person I am and make no excuses or apologies. I say this not to boast but to be clear that I consider myself a happy person living a great life. 

So why do I want to lose weight, get healthier, and become more physically fit? It's not because it will make me a better person. It won't. Physical changes won't improve who I am. I want to lose weight BECAUSE I am a good person. I want to get healthier because right now, the outside doesn't match the inside. I want to be more physically fit because I want my body to reflect all the good that is in my heart, my soul, my spirit. 

I am not improving the outside to make me a better person. I am improving the outside because the inside deserves it. 

(And a tip of the hat to my Marine buddy and friend, Jeremy, for helping me talk through all of this until it was clear in my own mind.) 

I See You Baby...

Up at 5:15am, out the door by 5:30, and at the gym and on the bike by 5:45. I cranked up the trusty iPod and started pedaling. An hour and 26.5 miles later, I was sweating like a whore in church and feeling pretty damn good. 

Now, back in my office, I'm listening to pumping, thumping, electronic dance music and dancing around in my chair. My energy level is through the roof, and I feel like I must be on some drug. 

Ah, yes. Hello, endorphins. I remember you. You are the rush that propels me through my day with an extra bit of pep in my step. You are the buzz that coffee can't match. You are the antidote to the doldrums and the drearies and to all the other "drag you down" crap that threatens to derail my good mood. 

Newsflash: This day is going to pass by me, and these next twenty-four hours are going to be gone forever. I will never have them again, just the memory of how I lived during them. And today... for this day alone... I am going to revel in the day and enjoy each moment and find reason after reason to stay happy. 

Some of you may think I just worked out. Some of you are are mistaken. I didn't just work out. I reset my body and my mind and my spirit. 

Amazing, wonderful, exciting day of opportunity and adventure? Oh, yeah. I see you, baby. And now, it's time for everyone else to see me. 

Why am I doing this?

Because I do not want to spend the rest of my life looking like this. 

 

Me, Christmas 2009. Sitting there, weighing as much as I ever have in my life, I felt completely uncomfortable. I didn't want to take pictures, I didn't want to dress up and go out, I didn't want to do anything but hide out. And that is no way to live. 

So, here I am almost two months later, feeling like a whole new person. And this? Oh, yes. THIS is a way to live.