Action 460 - Choose Only One.

Argh. I hate not being able to have everything I want. Yes, I realize that I sound like a spoiled brat when I admit that. But there it is, anyway.

There are three things I want but I can really only afford one of them. They each cost about the same, so...

Action 460 - Choose Only One.

I can run the Rock and Roll San Diego Marathon on June 3rd.

Totally fun, another full marathon, and I love shiny medals.

or

I can run the Nanny Goat 24 Hour 100 Mile Challenge on May 26th.

It's a huge challenge, the "medal" is fun, and it's a brand new experience.

or

I can buy myself a new iPod Nano to use on the Pasadena Marathon.

I want to be able to switch playlists - from dance club to rock - and my Shuffle doesn't do that. Plus, it would be a reward for finishing like my watch was for running the Marine Corps Marathon.

I can make a good argument for each of them. And I can afford one, but only one.

Fortunately, I don't have to decide tonight. I can think on it over the weekend and make my decision early next week.

Action 355 - Chill Out.

I'm not sure why, but I am really irritable these days. Maybe I'm just tired, but every little thing is pissing me off. I'm bothered that I have to stop for gas when I'm running late. I'm mad that my stupid shirt and pants won't stay on the damn hanger. And I'm angry about having to move the cars around in front of the house because I leave before Ric.

Action 355 - Chill Out. None of these things really matter in the big picture, so why let them get under my skin? It's tough, but I'm working on it.

*grumble, grumble*

Action 324 - Walk On The Wild Side.

Having already decided to sit out the Fearless 5K and instead, spend the evening with my cousin and other friends, I let the night take me where it would on Friday after the concert. And, oh my, the places it took me.

We walked in and out of a bar called Cheers (no one there knew my name). We walked in and out of a bar called Lancers (think creepy corner bar). And we walked back in to Bourbon Street for a bit. But the night really got wild after that.

We all cabbed back home and thought about calling it a night. Then my friend Andrea and I decided we should pop in to the neighborhood bar across the street and around the corner from my house. So we did.

Cricket's is a bar that changes completely from day to night. In the afternoon and early evenings, it is a blue collar beer joint. But Friday and Saturday nights, it becomes an urban nightclub. The tunes get soulful, the bar gets packed, and the good times roll 'til they shut the doors at 2am.

Into this mix comes John and Andrea, the two whitest people on the planet. We walked in and, for a moment, the music stopped and every head turned our way. (Ok, maybe the music didn't actually stop, but it felt like it did.) Andrea and I walked right on in like we owned the place, ordered drinks, and found a spot at the bar. And then... yep... we noticed it was karaoke night. How could I say no?

Fast forward to twenty minutes later. In a bar where we were the only white people, I thought it a good idea to sing Sweet Home Alabama. And you know what? Everyone loved it. I had fun singing, the crowd was dancing, and the host wanted me to sing a second song.

Fortunately, I had enough sense to know that my success was quite likely a one-hit wonder sort of thing, and I declined the offer of an encore.

Sometimes, all a guy needs to do to shake up his day is Action 324 - Walk On The Wild Side.

Ooh, maybe that's what I need to do. Instead of Lynyrd Skynyrd, maybe I need to sing a little Lou Reed?

Action 323 - Listen To The Music.

Friday night, my friend Eric Himan was here in San Diego. He played a show at Bourbon St, and our group was right there in the front. He is an extremely talented musician and singer/songwriter, and he was fantastic to see live.

Action 323 - Listen To The Music. As busy as I feel these days, I still need to make time to enjoy the talents of others. And for a couple of hours Friday night, I had nothing to do except sit back, listen to the show, and appreciate someone else.

Sometimes, the best action is taking no action at all.




(This is Eric with my husband, Ric, at one of the first shows we saw Eric perform.)

Action 246 - Don't Run.

I can't believe I am now "that guy" who is unhappy because I can't workout, but it's true. I am running a 25K on Sunday and I need to make sure I am rested, but the idea of skipping a day is stressing me out. Still, it is what I need it to be.

Action 246 - Don't Run. Not today, at least. I need a full day of rest in preparation for Sunday's 15.5 miles of running.

I don't have to like it, though.

Action 229 - Rack Up The Miles.

It's been a few days since my shoulder problem (see Learn Something New), but I'm still not feeling like I'm at full strength. So there was no strength training today. That doesn't mean I was idle, though.

Action 229 - Rack Up The Miles. I decided to double up on the cardio today. I started with a twenty mile ride on the recumbent bike, then followed that with a fifteen mile ride on the regular stationary bike. I was able to get two hours of exercise with minimal stress on my shins and no strain at all on my shoulder.

It's not a replacement for a long run or a full-body weight training workout, but it's a good substitute on a day when I'm still recovering from injury. I'll take that.

Action 228 - Collect The Set.

It's a rather surreal situation I find myself in, but I have now completed so many different events that I am having trouble keeping them in order in my mind. I've been crossing finish lines since August 2010, and I need to find a way to track them all so I don't forget a single moment.

Action 228 - Collect The Set. I decided to create a separate page here on this blog and post a photo from each of the events I've finished. Click here and enjoy a walk back through the last nineteen months of goofy smiles and sweaty finish line moments.

Action 223 - Spin It Again.

I own a lot of music. I mean, I own tens of thousands of songs. I've ripped all of it and finally uploaded it to my iTunes account, but it's a lot of music. And one thing I found is that I have many, many albums that I have never really played. Oh, sure, I have played a song or two, but the whole album? Nope. At least not often enough to recognize the tracks by title alone.

Action 223 - Spin It Again. Rather than purchase any new music for a while, I'm going to revisit some of my earlier music. I'll pick an album and put it on repeat for a while and really give it a listen. With all the music I own and don't know, I can be at this for a very long time.

First up last night was Fleetwood Mac's Behind The Mask. I was familiar with the lead single, Save Me, but I couldn't have hummed another track if I was paid to do it. Turns out, the whole CD is pretty fantastic. I've owned it for twenty-two years and I'm just now hearing some of the songs. That's just sad.



Here's Save Me. Enjoy.

Action 221 - Be Dependable.

It's 7:15 in the morning and I'm sitting at Balboa Park, waiting to go for a run. Why? Because I told someone I would.

Action 221 - Be Dependable. After running with the Front Runners group on Wednesday, I told my running partner, Jim, that I would be back to join them again on Saturday. Today. So here I am.

I didn't really want to come. I was up late last night writing, it's a gray overcast day, and I would rather have slept in. Plus, Ric is home sick and I want to be there and lounge around all day with him.

But, I gave my word to someone. Granted, I doubt he would notice if I didn't show. I just met him for the first time on Wednesday. Plus, there's supposed to be a bigger group today and I'm sure my absence would be no big deal.

It would be a big deal to me, though. I made a commitment and I don't want to be that guy who just blows something like that off. I said I would be here, and I am. And as a reward for being a man of my word, I'm sure I'll have a great run, meet more cool runner types, and feel better all day.

More of the win/win thing I have going on, right?

That's why I'm smiling, even though it feels crazy early.

Action 217 - Be Impulsive.

I doubt this surprises many people, but I can be a pretty spur-of-the-moment kind of guy. As soon as an idea pops into my head, I want to act on it. So today, I did.

Action 217 - Be Impulsive. My interview today ran much longer than I expected, so it was nearly 12:00 by the time I finished. I knew that my husband was having a potluck at the office at noon, so on a whim, I decided to pop in and surprise him at work.

And there he was, looking handsome in his scrubs.



Being impulsive paid off. Not only did I get to visit with Ric for a while, I also got to enjoy a bit of the food from the potluck. Win/Win!

Action 213 - Learn Something New.

If knowledge is power, I just got a little stronger today.

Action 213 - Learn Something New. Today, I learned that there is such a thing as Bicep Tendonitis.

Biceps tendonitis, also called bicipital tendonitis, is inflammation in the main tendon that attaches the top of the biceps muscle to the shoulder. The most common cause is overuse from certain types of work or sports activities. Biceps tendonitis may develop gradually from the effects of wear and tear, or it can happen suddenly from a direct injury.

How did I learn this? I would like to say that I I was snatching a child from a burning building... or pulling a puppy up from a well... or carrying a wounded Marine to safety. I would like to say that, but I can't. I injured my arm when I was pushing my gym bag back against the seat of my car. Yep, that's what I was doing. I pushed the bag and heard a loud *pop* and felt an instant pain in my shoulder.

Fast forward to a few hours later. My left shoulder hurts so bad that I can't lift my hand up enough to even hold the steering wheel of my car. Fortunately, I have Kaiser insurance, so I was able to get right in today to see a doctor. That's when I learned about bicep tendonitis.

The treatment? Ibuprofen for the pain, restricted movements to keep from exaggerating the injury, and ice packs several times throughout the day. No lifting, no overhead motions, and specific exercises for the next couple of weeks. It should be fine by then, but if not, I would have to return to the doctor for x-rays and possible physical therapy.

Nope, that isn't happening. I am not going to let this be a problem for me. I will follow the doctor's instructions, take it easy on my shoulder, and be fully recovered in a week or so.

On the plus side, look how cute my hair is, even when I'm stuck in the office waiting on the doctor to come see me.

Action 111 - Give It Time.

Twenty-nine years ago, pulling my car at high speed off the road and into a tree seemed a better alternative to being openly gay in a world that hated me. Twenty-seven years ago, alone on the sand, a long swim deep into the ocean seemed a better alternative to living with the feeling of being so completely alone. Twenty-four years ago, a single bullet to the head seemed a better alternative to the feeling that my being gay meant I had failed myself and my Marine Corps. And twenty years ago, a return to that same spot on the beach, again wondering if descending to the depths of the ocean was a better alternative than feeling like I had somehow destroyed another life.

I have known truly dark times. I have struggled with a broken heart and a crushed spirit. I have felt like there was nothing ahead of me but more pain and more sorrow, and I have been so close to giving up that just thinking about it now can still bring me to tears.

But I am older now, and I hope a little wiser. I know that there is a solution to most every problem that I face. Action 111 - Give It Time. What feels overwhelming in this moment will present its own solution tomorrow and be but a memory soon after. The struggles of life are not greater than my life itself, and a single look at the love that surrounds me proves that.

Time, the great healer. Each year that passes moves me further from the darkest moments in my life, but only because I stayed. Because I didn't give up. Because I trusted that, given enough time, life would again be a beautiful and joyful experience.

Troubled? In pain? Struggling to see your way out of a dark place? Give it time. It does get better.

Action 074 - Celebrate The Unusual.

Sometimes, the best part of any adventure is the unknown. What new sights and sounds am I going to experience? What beautiful amazing things are out there waiting for me?

Action 074 - Celebrate The Unusual. Okay, so maybe everything out there isn't amazing. In fact, some of it is downright tacky. Still, it's unusual, so I'm going to celebrate it.

Exhibit A: The Fat Mariachi Band


Exhibit B: The Metallic Pig and Flower




Yeah, it's silly. But it was worth a chuckle for us as we stood there staring at it wondering, "really, who buys this stuff?!"

Action 073 - Handle The Nerves.

It's sinking in now. I'm running a Ragnar Relay. I've done it before, but the stakes are higher this time. I'm running the 4th longest distance, and that means I feel more pressure to deliver for the team. What if my shins are a problem? What if the hill on the last leg kicks my butt? What if a dust tornado blows me off the course?!

Okay, that last one might be a bit of a reach, but still... I'm stressed. Time for Action 073 - Handle The Nerves. I have been here before, nervous before an event. And I've never quit or not finished, yet. And this Ragnar won't be my failure.

Deep breaths. Confident thoughts. I've got this!





I'm Runner 2. Check out those miles, baby!

Action 046 - Commit.

Last night, I enjoyed a couple Vanilla Vodka and Diet Coke cocktails, three French fries, and a few hours of fun. I even sang "Sweet Home Alabama" on the karaoke stage. So what didn't I do?

I didn't forget Action 046 - Commit. I didn't drink more than I planned to. I didn't switch to high calorie beverages. I didn't order any of the delicious smelling bar food. And most importantly, I didn't stay out so late that I felt like sleeping in this morning and skipping my cardio workout.

I'm here, on the bike, getting it done this morning. Because commitment will be the difference in my success or failure.

Action 012 - Seriously, Indulge.

Sometimes, indulgence is a lavish Italian meal and a decadent dessert. But other times, it's more. It's being open to the unexpected fun that an evening brings.

This brings me to Action 012 - Seriously, Indulge. I was planning on an early evening, dinner with friends and then back to the house where I was staying. Instead, my dinner companions accompanied me back to the house and we spent several hours talking and laughing, enjoying cold champagne and a warm jacuzzi. It was such an amazing evening, I didn't care that I stayed awake until after 1am.

Good times. Sometimes, they're worth the indulgence.

Action 006 - See Beauty.

I'm really struggling these days to make sense of my spiritual beliefs. I believe in something greater than myself, but I don't know if it's the miracle of God or the power of the natural world. I like the idea of a higher power, but I can't get my head around the notion that I'm somehow blessed ("Praise God!") because I made it out of a burning car. Um, if God's hand was upon me to keep me safe, why didn't he just stop the drunk driver from hitting me at all?

It's a dilemma. A family is killed in a house fire, but we praise God for sparing one child. Why not curse God, instead, for taking everyone else?

I share the because it goes to the heart of my next Action. I have even churning on the big questions of the existence of an omniscient deity or the reality of a life lived and ended as a biological life form. But that angst (over a question I will never answer in this lifetime) has blinded me to the magic of life, itself.

Who cares if God or simple matter made the Earth, the Sun and the skies above? Who cares if the oceans are a heavenly gift or the result of elements and minerals and gases? The origin doesn't dictate the wonder of it all.

My Action 006 - See The Beauty Around Me. And I will. This morning, for example, after dropping a friend at the airport, I indulged my newfound appreciation and stopped at Harbor Island. I spent a few minutes taking in the scenery of the bay and thinking, "yeah, this is magic."

Action 005 - Eat Deliberately.

Tracking my food is one thing, but making very deliberate choices is another. There are many different ways to eat the right amount of calories, but it's more difficult to get the right amount of calories while also getting the right balance of carbohydrates, fats and proteins.

Today's final move in the right direction is Action 005, Eat Deliberately. And I did. I ate all kinds of fresh fruit and even vegetables. My calorie count ended up a bit low, but overall, it was a very good day of deliberate eating.

And this is how I'm going to get myself back on track. The right fuel in the body means better performance, mile after mile.

Action 004 - Time To Recharge.

It's tough to find time each day to tend to all the things that need attention. There's work and maintaining the house and cleaning up and taking care of the dogs and getting to the gym and... and... and...

By the end of each day, it seems that every minute was filled with some task or chore and there isn't any time to just relax and unwind. But today, I decided to change that. Action 004, Time to Recharge.

When Ric got home - before we started on dinner or folding the laundry or studying for his class or packing for our trip to Palm Springs - we took an hour and curled up on the bed together. We talked about his review today at the office (he did great!) and my concern for our dog, Ruthie (she had another seizure today). We kicked around ideas for the weekend and did some brainstorming for a camping trip we really want to take soon.

Mostly, though, we just relaxed. We spent time with each other in real life, not on our iPads or Facebook. And it's a great reminder to me that sometimes the very best thing I can do for myself is absolutely nothing at all.

Action 001 - Run. Lift. Begin.

I've been hit-and-miss lately with my visits to the gym, and that's being generous. I need to get back to where it's a priority, a daily requirement. Until it feels like a routine, I just need to make myself go. No excuses.

I started with a three mile run on the treadmill. I set the incline on random, level 1, to get myself started. The run felt pretty good, and I could definitely feel the difference that even a small incline makes.

After my run, I did a full-body strength training routine. I decided to start fairly light and quick, since I have not been lifting regularly and I have two events this weekend. On each machine, I did two sets of ten reps.

I don't feel any different physically, but I definitely feel better for having gone. I'm back on track and this is the first of many actions that will have me ready to run Pasadena.

I can do this. And I will.