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Be the Person Who Returns the Cart

Some weeks I feel like I am barely holding it together. I wake up already tired. I carry around a knot of frustration that I pretend is just “being busy.” I snap at things that do not deserve it. I lose patience with people who are doing their best. And I hate that version of myself.

Maybe you know that feeling too.

We are all walking around with invisible bruises. We are all carrying something heavy. And somewhere along the way we started acting like our pain gives us permission to stop being decent to each other. I do it. You probably do it. Most of us do. That is why this matters.

Be the person who returns the grocery cart.  

Not because it is easy. Not because anyone will notice. Do it because it is a tiny moment where you choose to be better than your mood. Do it because it reminds you that you still have control over the kind of person you are becoming.

Be the person who uses their turn signal.  

It is such a small thing, but it is a way of saying that the people around you matter. It is a way of acknowledging that you are not the only one trying to get somewhere.

Be the person who lets someone merge when they signal.  

You have been that driver before. You know what it feels like to hope someone will show you a little grace.

Be the person who turns off your speakerphone in public.  

No one needs to hear your call. No one needs to absorb your noise. Respect the space you share with other human beings who are carrying their own invisible weight.

Be the person who holds the door.  

Be the person who does not sigh loudly when the line is slow.  

Be the person who does not treat strangers like obstacles.

Here is the truth I do not love admitting.  

I fail at this all the time. I get impatient. I get self absorbed. I get wrapped up in my own stress and forget that everyone around me is fighting their own battles. I forget that kindness is a choice I have to make again and again. And when I forget, I feel it. I feel the distance it creates between me and the world.

Maybe you feel that too.

These small choices are not small at all. They are the difference between a world that feels survivable and a world that feels hostile. They are how we remind each other that humanity is still alive. They are how we rebuild trust in a time when trust feels fragile.

Return the cart.  

Use your turn signal.  

Let someone in.  

Hold the door.  

Turn off the speakerphone.  

Choose decency even when it costs you a little comfort.

If enough of us do that, maybe we will remember what it feels like to live in a world where people look out for each other. Not because they have to. Because they want to. Because they know it matters.

And I want that world. I want to be someone who helps build it. Even on the days when I fall short.

Especially on those days.

Learning to Be Kind to Yourself

I’ve spent most of my life being harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. And let’s be real: that’s saying something, because the world isn’t exactly gentle with people like us. But somewhere along the way - between the chaos of my twenties, the grief of the 80s, the slow burn of adulthood, and the ongoing wrestling match with depression and anxiety - I realized something I wish I’d learned decades earlier.

Being kind to yourself isn’t indulgent. It isn’t selfish. It isn’t weakness.

It’s survival.

And yet, it’s one of the hardest damn things to do.

We’re taught from a young age to push, to strive, to hustle, to “be strong,” to “shake it off,” to “get over it.” We’re told that rest is laziness, that vulnerability is embarrassing, that asking for help is some kind of moral failure. And if you grow up queer in the era I did, you learn to armor up even more. You learn to anticipate judgment before it arrives. You learn to apologize for taking up space.

You learn to turn the knife inward long before you ever point it outward.

So yeah, being kind to yourself? It feels unnatural. It feels like speaking a language you were never taught.

But here’s the truth I keep coming back to: if you don’t learn to treat yourself with compassion, the world will eat you alive. And you’ll help it.

Kindness toward yourself isn’t about bubble baths or scented candles—though God knows I’m not knocking either. It’s about giving yourself permission to be human. To be flawed. To be tired. To be grieving. To be healing. To be in progress. To be a mess. To be magnificent. To be all of it at once.

It’s about recognizing that you are not a machine built for productivity. You are a person. A complicated, emotional, beautifully imperfect person.

And you deserve the same grace you offer everyone else.

I’ve spent years telling friends to take care of themselves, to rest, to breathe, to stop beating themselves up. I’ve written paragraphs of encouragement to people I barely know. I’ve held space for others in their darkest moments. But when it comes to myself? I’ve been stingy. Brutal, even. I’ve held myself to standards I would never impose on another living soul.

And I know I’m not alone in that.

So let me say this plainly, in case you need to hear it the way I needed to hear it:

You are allowed to be gentle with yourself.

You are allowed to forgive yourself.

You are allowed to rest.

You are allowed to not be okay.

You are allowed to take up space.

You are allowed to be loved, by others and by yourself.

Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean you stop growing. It means you stop bleeding for the sake of growth.

It means you stop treating your life like a punishment.

It means you stop believing the lie that you have to earn your own compassion.

And look, I’m not pretending I’ve mastered this. I still wake up some mornings ready to wage war against myself. I still hear the old voices telling me I’m not doing enough, not achieving enough, not being enough. But I’m learning, slowly and stubbornly, to talk back. To soften. To breathe. To give myself the same patience I give everyone else.

Some days I succeed. Some days I don’t. But the effort itself is a kind of kindness.

So if you’re reading this and thinking, “Yeah, but I don’t deserve that,” let me stop you right there. You do. You absolutely do. Not because you’ve earned it, not because you’ve achieved something, not because you’ve checked all the boxes on some imaginary list.

You deserve kindness because you’re human. Full stop.

And if no one has told you that lately, let me be the one to say it.

Be kind to yourself. Not someday. Not when you’ve “fixed” yourself. Not when you feel better. Not when you’ve accomplished something impressive.

Now. Today. In the middle of the mess.

You’re worth that much.

Trans Rights Are Human Rights. Full Stop.

Trans Rights Are Human Rights. Full Stop.

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to live in a country that claims to value freedom and equality while actively stripping both away from some of its most vulnerable people. And let me be clear right from the start. Transgender rights are human rights. There is no debate to be had. There is no moral gray area. There is no version of justice that excludes transgender people from dignity, safety, or equality.

Yet here we are, again, watching a second Trump administration continue the same pattern of hostility toward transgender people that we saw the first time around. Policies, proposals, and public statements that target transgender Americans have not slowed down. They have intensified. The message is loud and clear. Some people in power believe transgender people should not exist in public life.

And I am tired of it. I am tired of pretending this is anything other than what it is. A targeted attack on human beings who deserve better.

The Reality Trans People Live With Every Day

Transgender people face discrimination in nearly every part of life. Healthcare. Employment. Housing. Education. Public spaces. Safety. Even something as basic as using a restroom becomes a battleground because some people cannot handle the idea that gender is more complex than what they learned in a middle school biology class.

Imagine being qualified for a job, doing the work, showing up every day, and still being passed over for promotions or pushed out entirely because of your gender identity. Imagine being a teenager who cannot walk down a school hallway without fear of harassment. Imagine being denied medical care because a provider refuses to acknowledge who you are.

This is not hypothetical. This is daily life for far too many transgender people.

And it is not because there is something wrong with them. It is because there is something wrong with us. With our systems. With our politics. With our refusal to see transgender people as fully human.

Awareness Is Not Optional

Transgender awareness is not a feel good project. It is not a trendy social cause. It is a necessity. Awareness is what pushes back against the ignorance that fuels discrimination. It is what challenges the myths and lies that get repeated so often people start to believe them. It is what helps create communities where transgender people can live without fear.

Think about a transgender teenager in a school where no one understands what it means to be trans. They are bullied. They are isolated. They are treated like a problem instead of a person. Now imagine that same school with real education, real awareness, and real support. The difference is life changing.

Awareness saves lives. It really is that simple.

The Trump Administrations and the Attempt to Erase Trans People

During the first Trump administration, there were attempts to redefine gender in a way that would legally erase transgender people. The proposal was to define gender by genitalia at birth and genetic testing, ignoring decades of scientific research and the lived experiences of millions of people.

That effort did not disappear. It evolved.

The second Trump administration has continued to pursue policies that restrict the rights of transgender people. These include efforts to limit healthcare access, weaken civil rights protections, and narrow the legal definition of gender in ways that exclude transgender Americans. These actions are not neutral. They are not accidental. They are deliberate attempts to roll back progress and make life harder for transgender people.

This is not policy. It is cruelty.

Rescinding Protections Hurts Real People

When federal guidelines protecting transgender students were rescinded the first time, it was not a small bureaucratic change. It was a message. And the second Trump administration has continued to send that same message through new directives and policy shifts.

Imagine being a transgender student who had finally been allowed to use the restroom that matched your identity. Then imagine that right being taken away. Imagine the fear. The humiliation. The message that your identity is something to be corrected or punished.

This is not policy. This is harm.

The Wave of Anti Trans Legislation

The number of anti trans bills introduced in recent years is staggering. Hundreds of bills designed to restrict healthcare, limit legal recognition, ban participation in sports, and push transgender people out of public life entirely.

These bills are not based in science. They are not based in medical expertise. They are not based in compassion. They are based in fear, misinformation, and political theater.

And they are dangerous.

They deny life saving healthcare. They increase violence. They isolate transgender youth. They tell an entire group of people that their existence is a problem to be solved.

Homophobia and Transphobia Are Public Health Crises

This is not dramatic language. It is reality. LGBTQ people are far more likely to be victims of violent hate crimes. Anti LGBTQ incidents have skyrocketed. Discrimination creates barriers to housing, healthcare, education, and employment.

Organizations like NASTAD, MPact Global, and GATE have declared homophobia and transphobia public health crises because the data is undeniable. When a society targets a group of people, their health suffers. Their safety suffers. Their lives suffer.

And we should all care about that.

Equality Is Not Complicated

Transgender equality is not a radical idea. It is the simple belief that transgender people deserve the same rights and protections as everyone else. Healthcare. Housing. Employment. Safety. Legal recognition. Respect.

Imagine a world where transgender people can access gender affirming care without barriers. Where they can work without fear of discrimination. Where they can live openly without being targeted. That world is not impossible. It is simply a matter of political will and human decency.

Education Matters

If we want a future where transgender people can live safely and authentically, we need education. We need schools that teach the truth about gender. We need workplaces that understand and respect transgender employees. We need healthcare systems that treat transgender patients with competence and compassion.

Education is how we build a society that values every person. It is how we break the cycle of ignorance that fuels discrimination.

Healthcare Should Not Be a Battle

Transgender people deserve healthcare that affirms their identity and meets their needs. They deserve providers who understand their experiences. They deserve insurance coverage that does not treat their care as optional or experimental.

Imagine walking into a clinic and knowing you will be treated with respect. Imagine not having to explain your identity to every new provider. Imagine receiving care without judgment.

That should not be a dream. It should be the standard.

The Bottom Line

Transgender rights are human rights. They are not negotiable. They are not political bargaining chips. They are not cultural debates. They are the basic rights every person deserves.

We all have a responsibility to speak up, to push back, to educate ourselves, and to support the transgender community. Because a society that denies rights to one group will eventually deny them to others.

And because every transgender person deserves to live openly, safely, and authentically. Without fear. Without shame. Without apology.

The Shame of American Christianity

I am not a Christian. I do not belong to any church, and I do not speak from inside the faith. What I am is an observer. A witness. Someone who has spent a lifetime watching American Christianity from the outside and trying to make sense of the enormous gap between the teachings of Jesus and the behavior of many who claim to follow Him.

And from where I stand, that gap is not a crack. It is a canyon.

Even as an outsider, I can see the beauty in the teachings of Jesus. Compassion. Humility. Justice. Mercy. Feeding the hungry. Caring for the poor. Loving your neighbor. Loving your enemy. These are powerful, transformative ideas. They are the kind of values that could change the world if people actually lived them.

But that is not what I see in much of American Christianity today. What I see instead is a faith tangled up in politics, power, and money. A faith that often behaves in ways that look nothing like the man it claims to follow. And the shame of that is impossible to ignore.

Where It All Went Wrong

Somewhere along the way, Christianity in this country drifted far from its roots. The message of Jesus did not simply fade. It was buried. Replaced. Used as a tool for influence and control.

Churches that should be sanctuaries became political rally halls. Pastors who should be preaching compassion started preaching fear. And the loudest voices became the ones least interested in living anything like Jesus.

Let us be honest. Jesus did not say, “Blessed are the wealthy.” He did not say, “Love your neighbor unless they vote differently.” He did not say, “Feed the hungry, but only if they pass a drug test.” He did not say, “Welcome the stranger unless they make you uncomfortable.”

Yet here we are.

Jesus and Politics: A Collision That Never Should Have Happened

Jesus did not run for office. He did not endorse candidates. He did not build a political machine. He taught people how to treat one another. He taught compassion, forgiveness, humility, and justice.

Yet modern American Christianity has become a political brand that thrives on outrage, fear, and division. From the outside, it is jarring to watch. Some churches have built entire empires on the idea that the world is out to get them. They preach persecution while sitting in enormous buildings with tax exemptions. They preach love while pushing policies that harm the very people Jesus spent His life defending.

And the shame of it, the real shame, is that many people outside the church now think that is Christianity. They think Jesus is synonymous with cruelty, judgment, and hypocrisy. And who can blame them.

The Prosperity Gospel: Greed Dressed Up as Faith

If Jesus walked into some of these churches today, He would flip more than a few tables. The prosperity gospel, the idea that God rewards faith with wealth, might be the most backward, anti-Jesus theology ever invented. Jesus warned about wealth constantly. He told the rich young ruler to give everything away. He praised the widow who gave her last coin. He said you cannot serve both God and money.

Yet in America, there are pastors flying private jets and preaching that poverty is a moral failure.

It is shameful. And it is absolutely not Christianity.

Hunger and Homelessness: The Test American Christianity Keeps Failing

If you want to know how closely a society follows Jesus, look at how it treats the people who have the least. And by that measure, American Christianity is failing in spectacular fashion.

Jesus fed people. He healed people. He touched the untouchable. He did not ask for paperwork or proof of worthiness. He did not shame people for being poor. He did not blame them for their circumstances.

Yet American Christianity often looks the other way. Or worse, it judges. It moralizes. It excuses itself from responsibility. It builds larger sanctuaries instead of larger shelters. It funds political campaigns instead of food banks.

And that gap, that betrayal of Jesus’ most basic teachings, is where the shame lives.

The Human Cost of All This

Even as an outsider, I can see the emotional wreckage this creates for people inside the faith. Shame is not an abstract idea. It is lived. It is felt. It is the heartbreak of watching people get hurt by the very institution that was supposed to offer healing. It is the disillusionment that settles in when the faith they grew up with does not look anything like the faith Jesus taught.

For many, that shame becomes a breaking point. They walk away. They lose community. They lose identity. They lose the version of God they thought they knew.

But sometimes that breaking is what makes room for something real. Something honest. Something that actually looks like Jesus.

Where American Christianity Goes From Here

American Christianity is at a crossroads. It can keep doubling down on fear, power, and politics, or it can return to the radical, inconvenient, uncomfortable teachings of Jesus. The teachings that demand compassion. The teachings that require sacrifice. The teachings that challenge people to love those they would rather ignore.

There is still hope. There are churches doing the work. There are Christians feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, fighting for justice, living with humility. There are people who are tired of the hypocrisy and ready for something real.

But the faith will not heal until it admits it is sick.

And maybe the shame so many people feel is not a curse. Maybe it is a sign that their hearts are still aligned with Jesus, even when the institution using His name is not.

Maybe the shame is the beginning of something better.