The secret to looking thin.

Walk east to west in the early morning. The sun and the shadows will do all the work.

See? I look like a catwalk model. 

John and the Rocky Horror Picture Show

Here I am in Denver, being part of the entertainment before the start of the show.



Yep. If there's a good time to be had, count me in!

Hooray for me! I won the lottery!

I did, right? I mean, I got this email and everything...

YAHOO LOTTERY RESULTS 2010

YAHOO INTERNET LOTTERY

CONGRATULATIONS!

Yahoo!! International Lottery Organization

Bangkok Branch Office

Address: 3 Sukhumvit Lane

Bangkok 10400 Thailand

Yahoo! Mail announces you as one of the 25 lucky winners in the ongoing 10 Years Yahoo lottery Award of the New Year Held this month.

All 25 winning email addresses were randomly selected from a batch of 50,000,000 international emails each from Canada, Australia, United States, Asia, Europe, Middle East, Africa and Oceania as part of our international promotions program which is conducted annually, consequently, you have been approved for a total pay out of ONE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ( $1, 000. 000.00USD).

This Lottery was promoted and sponsored by a conglomerate of some multinational companies as part of their social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have operational base.

Further more your details (e-mail address) falls within our Bangkok representative office in Bangkok Thailand, as indicated in your play coupon and your prize of ( $1, 000.000.00USD) will be released to you from this regional branch office in Bangkok Thailand.

Your fund is now deposited with our Bank/Security Bangkok Bank of Thailand and insured in your name. Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this award from public notice until your claim has been processed, and your winning Cheque have being sent to you or remitted to your account, as this is part of our security protocol, to avoid double claiming and unwarranted taking of advantage of this program by participants, as has happened in the past.

HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE

These are your identification numbers.

Ticket number.....................154-12872774-09

Serial number.......................21370-7

Lucky number...................27-50-23-94-66-40

Ref number...................Y.TILB/6362362114/26

To begin your lottery claims, Please contact our Yahoo Lottery Co-ordinator as follows,

Name: Dr.Sammuel Boon-Mee

Email: ylottery60@yahoo.com.hk

Tel: +668-1692-0653

You are to send the completed verification form below to the co-ordinator whose email address is given above so that you will be advised on what to do to get your prize money. Congratulations once more!!

1. FULL NAME

2. COUNTRY OF ORIGIN

3. PRESENT ADRESS.

4. DATE OF BIRTH

5. OCCUPATION

6. TELEPHONE NUMBER

7. SEX

8. FAX NUMBER

9. MARITAL STATUS

10. WINNING NUMBER, BATCH NUMBER AND LOTTO NUMBER.

Remember, all prize money must be claimed not later than one month time. Any claim not made by this date (within one month) will be returned to HER MAJESTYS DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY. And also be informed that 10% of your lottery winning belongs to (THE PROMOTIONS COMPANY). Because they are the company that bought your ticket and played the lottery in your name.

Note also that this 10% will be remitted after you have received your winnings prize, because the money is insured in your name already.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in all correspondences with us, Furthermore, should there be any change of address, please do inform our Co-ordinator as soon as possible. Yahoo lottery is a free service that does not require you to be a Yahoo! Registered user.

An original copy of your lucky winning ticket and your deposit certificate will be sent to you by Administrative Remittance Operation Manager of Bangkok Bank Of Thailand.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Once again from all members of our staff and thank you for being a part of our International Promotions program.

Why I Love Texts From Last Night

Because they make me laugh. And sometimes, that's reason enough to love something.

(409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

(1-409): How are you texting me from 1998?

Sneaky Gays

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NASA has a sense of humor?

Apparently, they do. I just read this over at Gizmodo.



Good for them. These guys really are incredible, and I think they deserve to have a little fun when they can.

Here's a couple of the posters. You can see more of these at the NASA site.

Ha.

Ben Franklin may have discovered electricity- but it is the man who invented the meter who made the money.

- Earl Warren

If God...

If God didn't want me to have nice things right away, he wouldn't let Amazon.com discount them and ship them to me for free.



(Thanks, Brenda, for the inspiration.)

The First Day of The Rest of Your Life

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

How Cool Is This?

I know it's a bit graphic, and seeing it in person might temporarily shock someone, but really, how cool is this?

[caption id="attachment_1333" width="500" caption="Have a serious scar that you can\'t hide? Get the right tattoo and make the best of it."][/caption]

(Borrowed from Ugliest Tattoos, an entire website devoted to permanent mistakes.)

Oh, Tom. Why?

I realize that times are tough. And I understand that even celebrities fall on tough times. But how desperate has Tom Selleck become that he would agree to take part in an Anthony Robbins' infomercial? I was at the bank today (shout-out to Torrey Pines!) and they were airing some awful extended commercial for The Ultimate Edge. And there on screen, looking handsome as ever, was Tom Selleck. Granted, he also looked a bit stoic, as if he didn't trust himself to show a single true emotion lest he break down in shame right there in front of Robbins.

Here is a better (bitter?) review from infomercial-hell.com:

Probably no personality dominated TV infomercials in the 1990’s more than Anthony Robbins. But his once-ubiquitous infomercials abruptly disappeared from the air, probably because of market saturation.

Now Tony Robbins has returned to the airwaves with an infomercial for his Ultimate Edge program. This latest Tony Robbins infomercial sells a “coaching” package of his usual rah-rah motivational bullcrap. And as in his infomercials of olde, lots of Hollywood celebrities and sports stars appear to declare that Anthony Robbins caused all their success and their own talent and hard work had nothing to do with it.

Tom Selleck of Magnum P.I. fame interviews Tony Robbins here—yet another former mega-star reduced to hosting an infomercial. Selleck appears so sedate that one wonders whether Tony Robbins’ hypnotic spell has turned him catatonic

This infomercial declares that Robbins “has become famous for his big smile and larger than life energy”—which is a nice way of saying he has the physique of Lurch and the hyperactivity of Matthew Lesko.

With his Ceaser haircut and wispy goatee, Robbins looks like a haggard middle-aged man desperately trying to appear hip and youthful.

Oh, Tom. Why would you do this? What's next, the Tom Selleck Make Your Own Aloha Shirt Machine? The Magnum PI Mustache Manager? This just makes my 80's heart hurt.

Hung.

HBO’s show HUNG has now made its New Zealand debut on TVNZ’s Channel One.

Auckland-based ad agency Colenso BBDO was retained to promote the show and to generate some buzz. They have definitely created a buzz with their risqué billboard, recently erected on Victoria Street in central Auckland. Whether you like the billboard or not, and whether it draws you to watch the show or not, you must admit that the old, tried-and-true subjects – well-endowed female and male bodies – never seem to fail to draw attention.

Established in 1969, Colenso BBDO is consistently one of New Zealand’s highest-ranked ad agencies. Campaign Brief has also named Colenso BBDO Agency of the Decade. - Bill Tikos

Admit it. It's clever.

Sanctified Slide, or How I Learned the Lord is Da Bomb

"Are you ready crew?"

Oh. my. gosh. It's like a trainwreck. I can't stop watching it.

I&#39;m on Photobomb.

There's a fun website called ThisIsPhotobomb.com. The site features fun pictures of surprising additions to photographs.  I submitted a photo from our Hawaii vacation and they added it to their site. You can see, comment on and vote for it here.

This is the pic. Funny, huh?

Psst. Andrea.

Look what Ric wore to Denny's.

What coffee cake?

Yummmmm...

Big Kitchen's coffee cake!

Are you ready for some Christmas?

Okay, this worked for me. I am officially ready for the Christmas season!

Star Wars Facebook

I stumbled across this today and I'm still laughing. So wrong. Thanks to Brian Murphy and CollegeHumor.com.

[gallery]

And you thought YOUR family was tough at Thanksgiving...

Courtesy of Back to San Diego

Happy Thanksgiving: OCD-Style
I'm not one to gossip, but I received this letter from a friend. She got it from her coworker, whose sister wrote it! (Seriously.)

Apparently, it takes a village to build a Thanksgiving feast...and as we know, every village needs a village leader (or village idiot, as the case may be).

I changed none of the wording except for the names (so they can't sue me when they read this).

Happy Thanksgiving!

---

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don't feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don't care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney

This totally cracks me up. Can you imagine the tension at that house when someone brought the wrong thing?!