It's Fan Boy Friday! Meet Janeth Paris.

It's Fan Boy Friday, and that means I'm taking a few minutes out of my day to highlight and celebrate someone who deserves all the shout-outs she ever gets!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is my friend, Janeth Paris.

Here's what you need to know about her:

1. She's funny. Like, snicker under your breath until you can't hold it in anymore then lose it in a full-on belly laugh kind of funny. And that makes her an HR Manager's nightmare but a co-workers best friend!
2. She's wise. She has learned what matters in this world, what really doesn't, and how to keep herself focused on the former.
3. She's a joy to be around. She is one of those honest-to-goodness decent people that are a pleasure to spend time with. She has an easy smile and a sincere heart, and she just makes you feel better when she is around.
4. She has recently turned off her "No" button and is now in full-on "Sure!" mode. If you have a crazy, fun, silly idea and ask her to join in, she'll do it. Be careful what you challenge her to do because she is unafraid!

Go run a 5K to honor Cedric? Done.

Get her DubSmash sing-along on? Done.

Jump out of a plane? River raft? Pub Crawl in a tutu and a tiara? Who knows? This lady is up to whatever life has in store for her, and the rest of us are lucky enough to be there when it happens.

Janeth, my friend, I am grateful that the fates conspired to bring you into my life. You are a bright light in my life and I love you like crazy, my friend!

Now, my friend, let's set this joint off with our man, Jamal!

A Good, Good Weekend. (Or, "How A Train Trip Saved My Sanity.")

After what seemed like an endless barrage of bad news, tough days, and sleepless nights, it felt almost like I was tempting fate to plan an out-of-town trip. Yet here I am now, on the final leg of my travels, and there aren't enough words to describe how amazing the last couple of days have been.

It started with a six hour train ride up the Pacific Coast. The weather was perfect and the views were incredible!

Before I knew it, I was already at my first stop.

My friend, Dani, picked me and we went back to the Coy Home to wait on Matt to get home from work. Soon enough, we were all on our way (with their cool son, Bennett) to a great dinner at Hollister Brewing Company. And for those foodies who peruse this blog, I'm happy to share that I enjoyed a delicious BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich with Smoked Gouda, Duck Fat French Fries, and a perfectly paired draft beer brewed onsite.

And then we opted for a decadent evening of stand-up comedy on the big screen and pints of ice cream. Five Stars all around for the entire night.

I woke up Saturday morning early but took advantage of the chance to lounge in the bed for an extra few hours. It was perfection.

Too soon, the lazy morning and the later coffee conversation with my hosts came to an end. We just had time for a quick selfie and then it was off to the train station for the next leg of my journey.

The trip north on the Pacific Surfliner was even more beautiful than the day before. Mile after mile of California coastline and I never tired of seeing it.

My best stop was the start of the mystery leg. I knew someone was picking me up at the Grover Beach train station, but not sure who it would be. As I walked along the train and towards the parking lot, a lovely lady looked at me and asked, "are you John?" I said yes and she said, "I saw your picture from Facebook but expected you to be wearing a headband."

How cute is that? She saw this picture and didn't really have any other frame of reference for me. 

Anyway, my driver was Jen, one of the world's coolest mothers-in-law and all around fun lady. She was assigned John Patrol while the rest of our group made their way to the farm for the big BBQ. 

For me, it was another chance to be lazy. I played with the kittens and the dog, enjoyed the cool breeze and the warm day, and even watched as an older Jeep was brought back to life with a replacement engine. 

Well done, gents.

And then the guest of honor arrived, my amazing SoleMate and running buddy Bonnie! She and her husband, Tim, flew i from Virginia for vacation and had no idea I would be there to surprise her.

The huge smile on her face when I walked around the corner was worth every bit of travel time. Plus, I also got a chance to visit with more teammates and their families. Good food and better company. What else can a guy ask for?

Sunday, we were off to San Luis Obispo to cheer on Hillary, Jessica, and Bonnie as they competed in the SLO TRI. They were amazing, of course, and I only wish I could have stayed through the entire event. Instead, I had to get back on the train and head back home.

I had eight hours to relax, unwind, and enjoy the view again, so I used some of that time to mock up a couple of fun "movie trailers" on my iPhone using iMovie. Super easy, super fun, and super silly.

And since I had extra time, I decided to create a movie for my husband, too.

And with that, my last miles on the train rolled by and my weekend adventure had come to an end. It was the perfect mix of friends, travel, relaxation, and laughs.

Thanks, all, for giving me EXACTLY the weekend I needed.

"Then we are not friends."

This was not at all the post I thought I would be writing this morning, but sometimes, the day takes me in a completely unexpected direction.

I logged on to Facebook to see this:

"Tearing down and tearing apart traditional institutions that have been pillars of our society and civilization. And I'm not just talking about marriage. Military being transformed."

This was posted by a friend, and a Marine Corps brother, as part of a bigger anti-liberal post. And all I could think was, do you NOT understand what this is saying to me? Me, who could now serve in the Marines openly instead of hiding. Me, who is now legally married to my partner of 17 years.

What it says to me, friend, is that these very positive changes for me are bad for this nation.

So, what I am saying to you in return is this: If you honestly believe this, then we are not friends. Because I don't need people in my life who think this nation is better off denying me the full rights of citizenship. Because I don't want people in my life who think that gay Marines who stand up to serve this nation somehow make the military weaker. And because I won't have people in my life who think that my marriage to my husband is anything less than a blessing in a world desperate for love and compassion.

I am not saying that all of my friends must share my opinions on everything. That's nonsense. I have very conservative friends, very liberal friends, and a bit of everything in between. And I respect the different opinions and often learn much from listening to them.

But this is more than a different viewpoint. This is as clear as it can be, that recognition of me just as I am is somehow a bad thing for this nation. And that's an opinion I don't have to invite into my life.

And for those who don't know, this is Ric, my partner since May 1997, my husband since July 2003, and my legally wedded spouse since July 2008. You can think whatever you want of him, but what you cannot do is change the fact that he is the single greatest person I have ever known and that loving him - and being loved by him - has made me the man I am today.

(If this post bothers you, and you agree that equality for gay men and women is somehow a bad thing for this nation, feel free to unfriend me. Because I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for what I'm not.)

The Company You Keep.

Perhaps you've heard it before, but you really are the company you keep.

I hear it often. People tell me that I'm awesome. And they're right. (What, did you expect false modesty? Because that isn't happening.) I am awesome, yes. But more important than being awesome is understanding WHY I am that way.

Here's the answer: I'm awesome because I have purposely and specifically placed myself smack dab in the center of a group of amazing human beings. I have sought out, cultivated, and nurtured relationships with friends that expect nothing less of me.

In other words, I have surround myself with awesome people and work every day to rise to their level.

Just a few of the amazing people in my life.

What about you? What forces influence you?

Let's start with an easy source. Facebook. People love it, people hate it, but everyone seems to be on it. And it has become a part of most people's routine.

What happens when you log on to Facebook each day? What do you read in your newsfeed? If you're me, you read post after post from truly wonderful people doing what they can to have another great day. There's silly pictures, clever banter, and a lot of motivating and inspiring words that remind me to get out there and have a great day.

Of course, I live in the real world with real people, so not every post is good. Bad things happen and friends struggle with problems. Sometimes, they share those problems. Maybe they need help to find a solution or maybe they just need to vent. It happens, and both of those things are just fine.

But there is a difference in a person working their way through a tough time and a person who wallows in the negative. There is a difference in a person temporarily upset and a person who is always angry at the world. And there is a difference in a person who needs comfort and a person who is a black hole of emotional need.

I share these distinctions because I think people can get caught up in the negativity of others and not see the damage it does. It's so easy to read negative post after negative post, your mood getting worse and worse until you find yourself trapped in that same crappy mood.

Fortunately, there's a solution. Pay attention to what is coming from the people around you. Look for the positive, the upbeat, and the happy. Celebrate it when you see it. Notice the kindness of others and spread it around. Share the songs and the photos and the stories that make you smile. Be the positive force of nature you want to see in the world.

It doesn't mean dumping friends in need. It means helping them find a reason to smile, even if it's just for a moment. It means leading as an example, avoiding the temptation to see everything in the world in the worst way possible. It means not giving in to the anger and stupidity running rampant.

So, log into Facebook. Catch up with your friends. Join in the silliness. Be quick to laugh and slow to judge. Choose compassion over criticism. Choose happiness over anger. And choose to lead as an example. Believe me, the rewards are so worth it.

P.S. Thanks to my circle of friends for consistently bringing joy to my life. You help me be the person I want to be, and the ripple effects of that are truly amazing.

Action 237 - Be More Like Andrea.

Shocking revelation time. I'm not perfect. "What?!" you ask, stunned at my candor. I know, I know. It's almost impossible to process, but you must. It's true. I'm a great guy, a good person, and a wonderful friend. But I'm not perfect. I'm working on it, though. Specifically, I need to be a better friend to the people I care about.

Action 237 - Be More Like Andrea. Yep, it really is as simple as that. If I want to be a better friend, I just need to watch how Andrea does it.

This is Andrea.



So, what qualifies her to teach Friendship 101? Because she gets it. She knows what it means to be a friend. She knows that it isn't just the big actions and dramatic gestures. She knows that being a friend means paying attention to the little things. It means remembering that your friend is interviewing for a job and calling them the day before to wish them well. It means hearing that a friend's relative is seriously ill and calling to ask, "is there anything I can do to help?"

And it's more than that. It's caring about your friend enough to fly all the way across the country to be there cheering when he crosses the most important finish line of his life. It's reading a friend's blog at 2am and reaching out immediately to say, "I am glad for our friendship." It's about driving three hours through traffic to be there in person and ask, "are you okay?"

Andrea makes being a friend seem almost automatic. She knows what to do and when and, more importantly, she follows through. And that is the difference between Andrea and most people I know... myself absolutely included. We all think of things we can do to help those around us, and many times, we do. We reach out and we are the friends we hope to be. But too often, we allow the craziness of our lives to push friendships to the side. Somehow, despite a very busy life, near-constant travel, and friendships from coast to coast and continent to continent, Andrea still manages to make each of us, her friends, feel valuable and necessary and important.

That's the sort of friend I want to be. And I think that's an action worth taking.

Action 109 - Be Impressed.

For all my focus on myself, I really do know better than to think the world begins and ends with me. I have the most talented and amazing friends, and they bring such beauty and joy into this world.

Action 109 - Be Impressed. I think of myself as somewhat talented with words, but I have zero talent when it comes to drawing or painting. My friends, though? Truly talented.

I offer exhibit A from my friend, Raul. In less than thirty minutes, he grabs a pen, pencil, crayon and a marker and creates this:



For Raul and the rest of you who make this sort of art look so easy, thank you. I am absolutely, continually, and happily impressed. Carry on and continue, would you?

Thank you, Marine Corps, and the "Consequences of Same-Sex Marriage"

First, thank you to the Marine Corps for being the gift that keeps on giving. Sure, back in the day, the Corps gave me discipline and confidence and the chance to be a bad-ass and look good doing it. But the Marine Corps also gave me the greatest friends a man could ever have. And that gift keeps on giving.

Exhibit A:

Today on Facebook, my friend, Eric, posted this photo and included this commentary:

It's funny, but I already know the three consequences. Two dudes fall in love, less dudes competing for the available chicks out there. Two chicks fall in love, more dream hook-up fodder for every dude out there. Gay couple moves in next door to me, my wife and I have trusted neighbors who understand the importance of love and we either have two dudes who can decorate the shit out of my house or two chicks who can hunt. Hey... this is Oregon. Thanks for the letter- fuckers

See how cool my friends are? And I have the Marine Corps to thank for bringing them into my lives. Semper Fi, indeed.

Another Look at the Tough Mudder

Here's a quick recap of the Tough Mudder, courtesy of the amazing Ryan Southwell Films. My former Ragnar Relay buddies (Ryan and Mark) are featured, along with the uber-cool Kelly Southwell. Enjoy!

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/24522765 w=400&h=300]

Tough Mudder - Snow Valley 2011 from Ryan Southwell on Vimeo.

Safari Park Half Marathon Report

Alright, folks, here is your race report. Be ready for some long reading, because this post has it all.

First, a little background. I've never run a half marathon before. I've run 5Ks and 10Ks, and I've even run an eight-mile obstacle race. But a half marathon? Nope. And 13.1 miles can seem pretty intimidating. But I knew it was the next step in my development as a runner, so it was only a matter of time. That time was today.

The event was the Safari Park Half Marathon at the Wild Animal Park in San Diego. The course went out the front of the park, around a few miles, back through the park, around another few miles, then finished inside the park. When I signed up, the course indicated only one big hill. But thanks to mudslides and a washed out road, the modified route included two big hills and a lot more inclines.



It was the first time for this event, so I expected a logistical nightmare. It started at 7am, so me being the over-achiever, I left my house at 4:30am. Traffic was light and the signage was screwed up at the park, so I ended up driving the wrong route in. They sent me around a weird way to get to parking, which ended up much better for me.

Here's the start line... and that is my green jeep immediately to the right.


The best part about parking there? No need for gear check and I got to sit in my heated car and wait for the race to start.

Here I am taking a quick pic of me with the start line.


While I had time to kill, I decided to wander up to the check-in area and see what was going on. Anyone else surprised at the difference in the lines for the men's and women's rooms?



Heading back to my car, I noticed this sign. Perhaps next year a "Race For Literacy" is in order.


My best friend and long-suffering running buddy, Jerry, was on hand to make sure I got through the run.


And thank you my friends, Andrea, Gwen and Christine, who were also there to cheer us on. It was great to have a little personal cheering section ready to go!

Now, the race report. Just a couple of borrowed photos from others here, because I was focused on running. Jerry had his Garmin Forerunner watch, so it was up to him to watch our pace.

We started on a bit of a downhill, so we felt strong and fast right from the beginning. The weather was cool but not cold, no wind, and just enough cloud cover to keep it pleasant.



The first couple of miles felt great, even with the inclines. But the hill up to the 4th mile was wicked. (I thought it was just me, but experienced runners are now describing the entire run as "hilltastic.")

After mile 4, we made our way into the park. It wasn't a long stretch, but it was nice to see some of the animals and hear the roar of the way supportive crowd. After mile 5, it was back out of the park and onto the highway again. A quick turn-around and we were back through the park, retracing our path through the crowds and by the animals. Mile 8 was back on the highway and running back over the earlier miles. (Yep, there was a lot of doublebacks.) We didn't hit the inside of the park again until after mile 12, and the last bit of the run was smack in the heart of the park.

There were so many highlights. First, of course, were the fantastic voice mails everyone left for me. They kept popping up in my iPod shuffle, and each time, they made me smile and laugh and feel totally recharged. I asked for help and my Spark Buddies showered it on me. There are no words to explain how motivating you all were for me while I ran.

Several of you gave me the same advice: "Don't get so focused on the ground below you that you miss the wonder of the race itself. See what is all around you and remember every moment."

So I did. I saw the mist across the hills of Escondido. I saw the smiles on the faces of the amazing volunteers and spectators. I heard the cowbells and the applause and cheers. I laughed at the other runners in costumes and I whooped and celebrated every single mile marker.

And when I came into the park for the last stretch, I looked to my left and saw the rhinos watching me back. It was surreal, running through the Wild Animal Park with these amazing creatures all around us. It was a fantastic location for my first half marathon.



My finish line moment was great, right out of a movie. As I crossed, I lifted both of my arms and shouted, "yes! yes! yes!" But my real emotional moment came back earlier in the race. At mile 11, it hit me. I was going to finish. Until that moment, I had been carrying a fear deep in my mind that I wasn't going to do it. Something was going to happen. I was going to be too slow and get swept, or hurt myself while running, or worse, just not have the speed and endurance to make it all the way.

I had been holding on to old fears and feelings of inadequacy. Until that very moment, I hadn't truly believed I could do it. But I crossed the mile marker and instantly, the tears came. I was smiling and crying at the same time, more than a little surprised by the flood of emotion I was experiencing. I tried to explain to Jerry, and I think he understood. He said, "John, I knew from mile 5 that I was going to be just fine, and I knew from the start that you were going to finish."

Yep, that's why he's my best friend. He sees the best in me even when I don't. And here we are, after the race, all smiles and happiness and finisher's medals.


Before I left the park, Jerry reminded me that I had one more thing I needed to do. I have earned the title "half marathoner" and I want the world to know. Now, at least, anyone following me on the highway will know.



And now, the results. Even with all the inclines and the two serious hills, we were able to maintain a steady pace and finish with a respectable 2:09:48. My goal was to finish, and we did. But the strong time for me absolutely made this day even greater.


If you think a half marathon is out of your reach, perhaps you are setting your sights too low. Because a year ago, I couldn't imagine doing what I did today. Heck, a year ago, running a 5K was more than I could do. But I have worked and trained and kept myself focused, and I have gone from the guy on the left to the guy on the right.


And today, I proved that I am capable. I am strong. I am a runner. And I am truly just beginning.

A Simple Request - I need your help.

It's free. It's quick. It's easy. And it's a big deal to me.

I am running my first half marathon on Sunday. I'm completely confident I can do this, and I'll cross that finish line even if I have to crawl. But, 13.1 miles is still a long way to run. And somewhere along the way, I expect my motivation will begin to falter. This is where you come in.

I am asking my friends to call my Google Voice number (619.630.4328) between now and Saturday morning and leave me a brief message cheering me on. On Saturday afternoon, I will download all the messages and add them to my iPod Shuffle so they will play randomly between my running songs during the race. One minute I'll be rocking out to Pink or Disturbed, the next minute I'll hear your voice encouraging me to get after it!

Oh, and one more thing. When I am running the event, I will have my music at a low volume so I am still able to hear the traffic and runner sounds around me. Please start your message by telling me who you are and speak slowly and clearly. You can say whatever you want, as long as it isn't a ten minute message extolling the virtues of sleeping in, walking, or lounging around. *laughing*

Thanks, everyone. You'll all be with me as I complete this milestone.



John

 

Happy 235th Birthday, Marines.

Today is the 235th birthday of the United States Marine Corps.

Today, I honor those who came before me, for they created and built the Marine Corps that I joined.

I honor those I served with, for they were the very life and breath of me while I was on Active Duty.

I honor those who served after me and those who serve even now, for they ensure the very future of our Marine Corps and our nation.

And I honor those "absent companions," those Marines who live now only in our hearts. May their service and dedication always inspire us to greatness.

Semper Fidelis, my Marine Corps Brothers and Sisters.


The wonderful love of a beautiful maid, the love of a staunch true man,
The love of a baby, unafraid, have existed since time began.
But the greatest of loves, the quintessence of loves,
Even greater than that of a mother,
Is the tender, passionate, infinite love, of one drunken Marine for another.

John and the Rocky Horror Picture Show

Here I am in Denver, being part of the entertainment before the start of the show.



Yep. If there's a good time to be had, count me in!

The Consequences You Sow

As often happens for me, leading a charmed life and all, words and messages come to me just as I need them. Apparently, today is to be no exception.

I've just enjoyed a fantastic few days with my extended Marine Corps family, and this morning I discover this in my email courtesy of the Daily OM:

June 15, 2010
The Consequences You Sow
Action And Effect

Every action you take has a cause and effect. The influence we wield is infinite.

All motive and action affects the cosmos in some way. The principle of cause and effect is the truth that allows us to change ourselves and the world around us for the better. However, this same universal law is also at work when change is not at the forefront of our minds. Our intentions flow forever outward in the form of energy, affecting both the people closest to us and billions of individuals we will likely never meet. For this reason, we should strive always to speak, think, and behave with great thoughtfulness and compassion. The virtues we choose to embody can inspire joy and integrity in the lives of countless people, whether we touch their existence directly or not.

The influence we wield is infinite. In an effort to internalize our conscious understanding of the nature of cause and effect, we can never truly know how our thoughts, emotions, words, or actions will manifest themselves on the larger universal stage because it is likely that the furthest-reaching effects will fall outside the range of our perception. We can only look to the guidance of our conscience, which will help us determine whether each of our choices is contributing to humanity's illumination or setting the stage for unintended troubles. When we are in doubt, we need only remember that the cultivation of altruism inevitably leads to a harvest of goodwill and grace. Motivated by a sincere desire to spread goodness, we will be naturally drawn to those choices that will help us express our commitment to universal well-being.

Nothing you do, however minor or mundane, is ever exempt from the rules of cause and effect. From the moment of your birth, you have served as an agent of change, setting forces beyond your comprehension into motion across the surface of the earth and beyond. You can exert conscious control over this transformative energy simply by examining your intentions and endeavoring always to promote peace, positive energy, and passion in your ideas and actions. While you may never fully comprehend the extent of your purposefully heartfelt influence, you can rest assured that it will be universally felt.

Clearly, in another time and place, I must have done something amazing. And whatever those actions were, they still echo through my life and return as the wonderful people I still call friends today. And I will strive to remember that my actions have consequences, my choices impact others, and I have the power to influence others. Knowing all of that, I will make every effort to only use my powers for good. Because ultimately, all of that good returns to me many times over.

Mad Men and Marines

Tonight, Ric and I start Mad Men, Season Two. I expect we'll burn through all thirteen episodes by Sunday evening.

Despite that distraction, I will take the time to write about my experience yesterday at My friend's retirement ceremony. It was truly amazing.

Whisper To Your Heart - Irela Doom

Yep, it's time for more bragging. I know rock stars. I know filmmakers. And I know an amazing and talented singer with a beautiful voice. My friend, Irela Doom, can sing just about any song she attempts. But two tracks stand out for me. The first, Shania Twain's "From The Moment On" is a favorite because Irela and our friend Russ sang it for Ric and I at our wedding. The other track, Whisper To Your Heart, is Irela's first commercially produced track. You can hear a sample and purchase the track at the link.

It's amazing how many cool and talented people I know. But hey, someone gets to be their friend. Why not me?

More Brushes With Greatness

Based on my previous post, it's obvious that I am super cool enough to know two amazing rock-and-rollers. It's true. But that's not it. I also know a musician named Jeremy Ward. And when I say I know him, I mean, "yeah, that guy's my friend in real life." And when he gets a label deal and starts distributing his original tunes, ask me for an autographed copy. And if that isn't enough, Jeremy and his wife, Julia, are also filmmakers.

So why am I bragging about knowing all these creative types? Two reasons. One, because they deserve every shout-out they can get. Two, and this is the big one, because celebrating their creations inspires me. It's been more than ten years since I wrote my one and only produced play, and it's time to get back to pulling the art out of my head and putting it onto paper. It's time to make things happen.

Thanks, friends, for reminding me that creating art can be its own reward.

You'll love this music. Guaranteed.

I love music. I love good, good music. And when I find artists that have yet to break out huge, I want to slap the music buying public hard across the face with a Lindsay Lohan CD. But, I resist such temptation, because I know others ways to get someone's attention. Case in point:

I am a huge fan of Eric Himan and Deborah Vial. Both are amazing singer/songwriters. Both are openly gay artists. And both write and record music that merits far more attention than they are receiving. So, I'll do my part. I want my friends to click here for Eric and here for Deborah and buy something. And listen to it. Play it loud and play it often. And if you decide you don't like it, I'll buy it from you. Really. It's 100% guaranteed.

Yep. I'm serious. I'm that confident. These artists are so incredibly talented and deserve far more attention than they get. So, what are you waiting for? Get clicking!

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="395" caption="Eric Himan"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="376" caption="Deborah Vial"][/caption]

A Perfect Weekend

I can only describe this weekend as the Perfect Storm of Good. I've spent the few days with the most amazing people. Our friend, Eric Himan, was our houseguest for a couple of days. I went to Riverside Saturday and had a four hour dinner with Lisa and Craig, two friends that I had not seen for nearly 20 years. I also... finally... told Craig that a promise I made to him a lifetime ago was the one and only reason that I didn't take my own life when I was at my lowest point. I had never shared that with him, never let him know the difference he made in my life. He knows now.

After dinner, I caught back up with friends for Eric's show. And there, a dear friend from high school joined us and I was able to spend time visiting with her. And Sunday night, Ric and I met up with a Marine Corps buddy that I had not seen since 1989. We met he and his wife for dinner in Old Town, and they are an amazing couple. Dinner started at 6, and we left sometime after 10. Yep, we sat there for hours talking and laughing, catching up on twenty years and finding out who we have become since.

It's been a nearly overwhelming rush of emotion, seeing people that were so important to my life over the years. These are the people that helped me through my darkest hours, celebrated my joyful moments... they were by my side when I was living my life. I am so blessed to have them, still, and this weekend has almost been an overdose of good things.

Life, as I have lived it, out loud. Yeah, that's what these people help me remember.

I Said Yes.

Someone asked me to join him and other friends Friday after work. I said yes. And I had a fantastic time.



Someone else asked me to spend Saturday lounging around watching movies and playing games. I said yes. And I had a great day.



Someone else asked me to join them for breakfast Sunday morning. I said yes. And I had wonderful time catching up with friends.



Ask me. I'll likely say yes. And I'll be glad I did.

The "Happy" File

A discussion on Facebook today has inspired this blog post. (And in true circle-of-life fashion, when it posts, a copy will be automatically sent back to Facebook and further discussion will likely take place.)

My long-time friend, in response to an ongoing thread, posted this:

I concur about John--I've always thought he was much more thoughtful than almost anyone our age--even when we were all way younger. Not afraid to stand for himself and others when most other people would not have done so. Not afraid to care about others. Way more caring than most people our age. John is a person people remember no matter how much time has passed. He will definitely leave this world a better place than he found it. And we're all better for having known him.

What an amazing thing to read about myself. It isn't often that we get such direct and heartfelt praise from others. And even when we do, we either dismiss it or (too quickly) forget all about it. I suppose it is our nature to hang on to insults and criticism, their caustic words clinging to us like barnacles on a ship. But the good stuff? It's too soon gone. But it doesn't have to be that way. Because of that thread, I posted this:

John Hulsey is inspired by my friends Cj McKercher Fillmore and Jeremy Ward, so I'm passing this idea along. Whatever the format, create a "when I feel down" file and fill it with the compliments and kind words of others. In dark moments, it will remind you of your own worth and value.

Obviously, CJ's words are going in my file. And there are many others, like this message sent to me last month by another friend.

Today I am thankful for you. I think you are wonderful. And I am lucky to have you as a friend. Not just in the FB world or even just online. I really value you, John, and I hope we will have the chance to actually meet - and hug like crazy - in real life one day. I know this is a random message, but it is from the heart. Just saw you online tonight and wanted to send you some love. You deserve it!

I've edited out only the identifying information, since it was a message sent privately. But it was such an unexpected kindness that it made me feel good for days. And yet, a month later, I had almost forgotten about it. Now, as a second entry in my "When I'm Down" file, I won't ever forget it again. And when I'm feeling like the world is kicking me in the teeth, and my all-too-human nature is seeing only the bad, I'll have my ready-made mood enhancer set to go.

And one last thing. As I'm writing this, I wonder if it will come across as boastful or even arrogant. I mean, I am posting the words of two people praising me. But then I realize, so what if it sounds like I'm bragging? I am. And I have every reason to. Two friends believe that I am worthy of their compliments and kind words, and who am I to disagree with them?

It is no coincidence that good people are surrounded by good people. It's how we all survive a world that is, too often, not good at all.

(Edited to add: And thanks to a bit of feedback from my friend Charish, I'm amending the name of this entry and the file. Instead of a "when I'm down" file, it will be my "happy" file. A slight change, perhaps, but words have meaning and power. So why start by presuming a negative?)