Showing posts with label Ric. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ric. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Shout Out To Sixty Amazing Years of Ric!

Sixty years ago, the world got a whole lot better. And if you have been lucky enough to meet this guy, you already know what I'm saying here.

I have no idea what I did to deserve this man in my life, but I'm grateful every day that he is my husband.

Happy Birthday, Ric. You deserve every wonderful moment you have coming today!

 

 
 

 

Friday, November 28, 2014

When Johnny Met Ricky.

If you've ever wondered how Ric and I met, how a judge later described it, and what any of that has to do with our Christmas each year, this is the blog for you.

First, the backstory and a confession. When I go out and have a few cocktails, I may or may not definitely collect things. Nothing of value, really, more like trinkets. I see a cool coaster on the bar, I take it. On one occasion, I even came home with a tambourine. (I had to take that back the next morning. Have you ever tried to walk quietly into a bar while carrying a tambourine? Can't be done.)

Anyway, the point is, I have been known to gather souvenirs on my nights out. And that is a significant part of this story.

December, 1996. The guy I was seeing was invited out to a birthday party, so I went along as a very disinterested "Plus One." The party was at the Inn At The Park hotel, upstairs at their rooftop bar. I was enjoying my second third whatever beer and found myself standing directly in front of one of their dozen decorated Christmas trees.

And then it happened. Something shiny caught my eye and I knew I had to have it. It was an ornament. Nothing special about it, really. It was one of those styrofoam balls wrapped in thread. It was cheap, already fraying, and not likely to survive to see another year.

Obviously, I had to have it. I did the oh-so-sneaky look around to make sure no one was watching, and then I made my move. I reached out quickly, grabbed the ornament, and tugged.

That's the moment all the lights on the bottom half of the tree went out. Yep, apparently there was a short in the wire, and my yanking on the tree was enough to power down everything from the middle down.

So, what do you do when something like that happens to you? If you're like me, you instantly scan the crowd to see if anyone saw you do it.

I scanned right. No one. I scanned left. Nothing.

Wait. Scan left again. Yep, that guy is staring right at me. And he definitely saw.

I gave my best shoulder-shrug-meh-whatcha-gonna-do look and said, "I guess that's God telling me not to steal that ornament, right?"

He gave an equally casual shrug and said, "Maybe. Or it's the Devil saying take all you want from the bottom half."

I processed what he said and made a command decision. First, I reached forward and yanked that ornament right off the tree. Second, I took a step closer to him and introduced myself.

And that's the first time I ever spoke to Ric.

That ornament is still hanging in there, pardon the pun. In fact, it's the very first ornament that Ric and I put on our tree every single Christmas. Here it is this year:


P.S. The judge I mentioned? Years later, Ric and I were out having drinks and the conversation turned to everyone's "how did you meet?" story. I shared ours, and the gentleman sitting next to me said, "fun, petty larceny becomes true love." I laughed. He laughed. We all laughed. Then when he got up to use the restroom, the bartender leaned over and said, "it's funny because he's a retired State Supreme Court Judge. Oops. Fortunately, the statute of limitations is on my side.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Bend Until You Break.

Sometimes, you just have to say enough. And I'm there. I'm officially and completely overextended beyond my breaking point.

I have committed to things already and I will see them through. But if you ask me to do something in the future and are surprised to hear me say "no," know that it isn't about you. It's about me and my need to take care of myself first.

I can't keep trying to be everything to everyone. It's making me crazy. I'm snapping at people I care about, finding myself angry for no reason, and forgetting what a full night's sleep even feels like.

Enough is enough.

To my friends, be patient. I'll work through this. But know that I'll be spending less time on the skyline and more time on my own.

To those who feel they have the right to criticize me for how I spend my time, what I choose to support, and where I choose to help, feel free to piss off. You no longer merit any time of mine nor do I care what happens to you. Go be someone else's problem.

To the rest of you that might be reading along, my only advice is to be as good to yourself as you are to anyone else. And work to find the balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.

And finally, to my husband, who has spent the last seventeen years trying in vain to convince me that I am good just as I am, I get it. I hear you. I'm listening.

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing




Oooh
Oooh

Put your make up on
Get your nails done
Curl your hair
Run the extra mile
Keep it slim so they like you, do they like you?

Get your sexy on
Don't be shy, girl
Take it off
This is what you want, to belong, so they like you
Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Yooou don't have to try

Oooh
Oooh

Get your shopping on, at the mall, max your credit cards
You don't have to choose, buy it all, so they like you
Do they like you?

Wait a second,
Why should you care, what they think of you
When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?
Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Yooou don't have to try

Noooo
Oooh

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try

Take your make up off
Let your hair down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror, at yourself
Don't you like you?
Cause I like you




I like me, too. More than that, I really like the me I am when I'm with you.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

It's Ric By My Side.

This is my husband, Ric, and I, on an early vacation to Palm Springs. In this photo, we're side by side. And for the last seventeen years, that's how it's been.


When I found the strength to walk away from a toxic and painful relationship, it was Ric by my side. He showed me what it meant to love, and to be loved, and to find happiness again.


When I spent the first night in our new home and felt, finally, like I had found my place in this world, it was Ric by my side.

When I accepted a job offer to move halfway across the country and start a life from scratch, it was Ric by my side encouraging me to chase my dreams.


When we came back to San Diego, again starting over, it was Ric by my side telling me that I had made the right decision.


When the longstanding cynic in me felt called to stand before friends and family and commit myself to one man for the rest of my life, Ric was by my side to exchange vows.


When I first gazed upon the beauty that is Yosemite, Ric was by my side.


When I first dared to rock climb, it was Ric by my side.


Skydiving? It was Ric by my side.


White water river rafting? It was Ric by my side.


Scuba diving? It was Ric by my side.


Celebrating - finally - being able to marry legally in the State of California? It was Ric by my side.


Through thick and thin, through moments of joy and moments of grief, through laughter so non-stop it hurts and tears so intense I thought my very heart was breaking... it's always been Ric by my side.

As I celebrate my anniversary today, I'll enjoy the love and support from friends and family. I'll visit with them, share stories of our lives together, and consider myself so very fortunate to have them around to make this life what it is.

But mostly, today and every day, it will be Ric by my side.

Husband of mine, this is for you:

"Right By Your Side"



Give me two strong arms
To protect myself
Give me so much love
That I forget myself
I need to swing from limb to limb
To relieve this mess I'm in
'Cause when depression starts to win
I need to be right by your side

No one seems to touch me
In the way you do
Nothing seems to hurt me
When I'm close to you
I'm so full of desire
When you set my head on fire
I need to be right by your side

Every single one of us needs
Love, love, love
Everybody needs to give and receive love
Every single day can drag us
Down, down, down
But there's nothing left to fear
When love gets into town

I'm so full of desire
When you set my head on fire
I need to be right by your side


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

When Equal Isn't.


People are arguing before the highest court in the land to persuade the Justices that my husband and I don't deserve the right to marry each other in the eyes of the law. It's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that my military service, my years of paying taxes, my lifelong allegiance to this nation... none of these guarantee that I am treated like a full and complete citizen. 

After sixteen years together, my husband and I are still strangers to each other according to the Federal Government. 

No. This man is many things to me - my husband, my partner, my strength, my best friend, my salvation - but the one thing he is not is a stranger. 


Today is bittersweet, indeed. 

Monday, December 3, 2012

I Can Handle This... Right?

Oh, the best laid plans, right?

I'm working on a six week holiday challenge, and so far, it's been terrible. I was in trouble as soon as I began, to be honest. I have just started a new job, and while I'm incredibly happy to have it and excited about the days ahead, the truth is that the first couple of months are going to be super busy. I've been working 10+ hour days and that will continue well into the new year.

What does that mean for my challenge? Well, it's not a reason to just abandon it. And I'm not using it as an excuse to quit working out and eat like crap. But it is affecting the amount of time I have and my energy levels.

I'm struggling here. I have to balance my need for downtime, my desire to work out, and the demands of my new job. It's tough.

Add to that my husband's unfortunate accident last night. While attempting to make dough for homemade pizza, he dropped an incredibly sharp food processor blade onto his foot and sliced all the way down through his tendon. We had to go to the ER last night, and now we will have to meet with an orthopedic surgeon this week and figure out if (when?) he will need surgery to repair the tendon.

Here he is last night, settling in on the couch and trying to rest.


This morning, I got to wake up at 4:30 so I could drive him to the office and then get to work myself. I'll take lunch to him later today and then pick him up whenever he gets off work late this afternoon. It's going to be a long day for me and, judging by my yawns already, I doubt I will have the energy to workout. I may just force myself to go for a run, though. I'm hopeful that will help me burn off the stress/worry I have over his injury.

This life/work balance thing can be tricky, but it's something that people deal with all the time. It won't be enough to knock me off balance or keep me from my goals.

And how is YOUR Monday?

Friday, August 3, 2012

When "Equal" Isn't.

Forget chicken sandwiches and other shiny things that distract us from what really matters. I'm not concerned with who lined up Wednesday to buy deep-fried "freedom of speech" or who is lining up today to "kiss away bigotry." In the bigger picture, none of these things matter beyond soundbites and dramatic on-site reporting for local news.

What matters to me as an American is equality. And folks, as long as gay men and women are not allowed to legally marry and have that marriage recognized by both state and federal law, we don't have equality.

My husband and I were married first in our church on July 4, 2003 and then again, legally, on July 4, 2008. In the eyes of California law, we are wed. Sounds equal, but it isn't. Because the United States Federal Government does not recognize our marriage, we are still viewed as single. And that matters.

For instance:
  • Jane and Bob are married.
  • Ric and John are married.
  • Jane and Ric work at Acme Company.
  • Acme Company provides 100% healthcare coverage for employees and their dependents.
  • As recognized spouses, Bob and John both are covered under their spouses' plans.
But, because Ric and John are single in the eyes of the Federal Government, the full value of John's healthcare coverage is considered additional income from Acme Company. Ric will pay income tax on the full value of that policy. (In our case, the policy is valued at nearly $1,000 per month.)

So Ric and Jane have the exact same job, same insurance, same coverage, and same marital status. But Ric pays tax on an additional annual income of $12,000. Jane doesn't.

"Equal" isn't.

There are many more examples I could offer, but I don't need to. I have already provided a single example of how denying same-sex couples the right to legally marry creates an inequality under the law.

So the next time you tell me, "you can have all the same rights with a domestic partnership or civil union," please know that you are wrong. Completely wrong. And no amount of "I  have gay friends, I do, but marriage is sacred" is going to change the fact that the current laws deny me the same rights that other Americans have.

And ultimately, sacred is a matter for religious institutions to determine. Equal is a matter for the Constitution to determine... and protect.



Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Saturday, February 27, 2010

My Saturday Afternoon

Wind and rain outside, Ric and Bioshock 2, and Ruth and Idgie napping close by.

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Pictures from the Zoo

Pics from our day at the zoo.
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And Ric and I sitting for our sketch.
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