Time and Effort: The Big Reveal

Me going from ignorance to shock to acceptance to healing.

It's been a month since my last post in this series, and I was planning to share the different ways I am working out. But that is going to have to wait, because I really have more important news to share today. And there's a lot here, so I hope you stick around for the full story.

As you may already know, my weight in the Summer of 2021 was somewhere over 220 pounds. I don't know for sure because I stopped weighing myself, but it was a lot and out of control. I made the decision then to make some small changes and work towards a healthier me.

Fast forward to February 2022. I was down to 200 pounds by exercising but still hadn't made any real changes to my diet. I was eating and drinking whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. I was losing weight but not really getting any healthier.

And then came February 10th. That's the day my lab work came back and I got a shocking diagnosis.

Type 2 Diabetes.

Yep. Really. And it wasn't even close. I tested with numbers so high, my doctor wondered out loud how I was still walking around and not having a stroke or a seizure. My fasting high blood sugar reading was 461... and healthy levels are in the 70-130 range. Worse, my A1C was 16.9. No, that is not a typo. Healthy A1C is less than 6. I was nearly triple the healthy high mark.

After the first wave of emotions, I knew one thing for sure. I had no one to blame but myself. I had ignored so many signs over the years that should have been obvious, but I just kept telling myself everything was fine. 

Spoiler: Everything was not fine.

If you've read this far, thanks. Here's what's still to come:

1. Why I was tested
2. What I've done since the diagnosis
3. How am I now

So, why does a guy who thinks he's pretty healthy get tested for diabetes? Because since December, I have been having terrible pain in my feet. I mean, pain so bad that it wakes me up in the middle of the night and I have to get out of bed and move around. Now I know it's diabetic neuropathy, but when I reached out to my doctor in late January, I just knew I was in terrible pain. One round of lab work later and we had a cause.

What have I done since the diagnosis? So, so many things. We absolutely have taken this very seriously, and we have made changes to most everything. We added medications, completely overhauled my nutrition, and increased the number and intensity of my workouts. I'll share more about the food and fitness in later blog posts, since the focus here is the diabetes. But know that I began tracking calories, carbs, and sugars, stopped drinking alcohol and eating junk food, and decided to be as perfect with all of that as I could be. It's not a long-term plan, of course, but it was exactly what I needed to get my diabetes under control. Fix the problem now and then slowly loosen up and experiment to see what pleasures and vices I can still enjoy. Hey, it's a process and a learning curve.

How am I doing now? Well, almost everything is good. I've lost another 12+ pounds in 8 weeks. I've lowered my A1C from 16.9 to 9.8. And my three-times-daily glucose readings are regularly coming in at healthy levels. I am just now loosening my restrictions ever so slowly and evaluating what can stay and what has to go for good. More on that in a future blog, as well.

But here's the not-good news. My feet are still in near-constant pain. Since December, I have rarely slept more than a couple of hours at a time. I wake up with the bottoms of my feet feeling like they are on fire or freezing cold or being jabbed repeatedly with a knife. I can't really put into words how fucking awful this is.

And the really bad news is that there is no cure for diabetic neuropathy. You can attempt to manage diabetic nerve pain with medication, exercise, acupuncture, and proper nutrition. But it never completely goes away.

With my doctor's guidance, I am slowly increasing my various nerve pain medications. I am hopeful that we will find whatever combination of drugs that finally stops the pain and allows me to get real sleep. And I need it, because I am physically and mentally exhausted.

So, there it is. Now you know what's really been going on with me for the last two months. And you know what I'm dealing with still. And I thank you all in advance for what I know will be an outpouring of support.

I'll end with this: Me being me, I'm going to keep sharing my updates. Why? 

• Because I hope other people will get themselves tested if they have any reason at all to be concerned
• Because I want others in my situation to know they are not alone
• Because my struggle with chronic pain continues and support and encouragement make a difference

Thanks for reading all of this. It's not funny and it's not sexy and it's not awesome. But it's real life. 

Time and Effort: Making Space

Or, “Setting Yourself Up For Success”

This is the second in my series about my ongoing journey to a healthier me. Part One can be found here.

Where and When

The first step on the road to health and physical fitness is, of course, making the conscious and purposeful choice to do the work to get there. No amount of tolls, tips, and tricks can get you to a place you won’t work to get to. Be very clear what you are trying to accomplish and what you are willing to do to make it happen.

Once you decide to take this journey, the next step is to make it as easy as possible. And that starts with making space for it.

By making space, I am talking specifically about two things:

• A physical place

• Allotted time on your calendar

First, you will need a literal, physical place where you can workout, stretch, lift weights, or just dance about. This will look different for each person. It might mean paying for a gym membership, clearing out space in a garage, or rearranging furniture in a living room or family room. It might be a neighborhood route where you feel safe going for a walk, run, or bike ride. Whatever works for you may not work for others, and that’s okay. This is all about you and your place.

Second, you need to make your health and wellness efforts a priority. That means carving out time in what is likely an already full schedule. This may require flexibility and creative thinking and it’s not optional. If you don’t make the time, you won’t make the changes. It won’t be easy, but I’ll share some ideas that have worked for me. Hopefully, you can incorporate some of those into your own calendar.

Goodbye Cabana, Hello Fitness Center

For me, the perfect place started as an afterthought. We impulsively bought a Peloton Bike but hadn’t really thought through where we were going to put it. We tried to picture it in the dining room or the corner of our living room and even along a bedroom wall, but none of those options offered the room or the privacy I knew I would need. I also am an early-riser, and there’s no way to quietly workout on a stationary bike while in the same room with someone else sleeping.

And then I had a thought. We had really quit using our once-popular backyard cabana. One reason was COVID and a lack of visitors during the pandemic. More so, it’s because we built an outdoor lounge on the side of our house which is much nicer and has more room for guests. So the cabana became our “why not here?” choice for the exercise bike.

That was just the beginning, though. Once the bike was set up, we started to envision the whole space in a completely different way. Instead of a guest space with a bike, we saw it as a complete fitness center. Several Amazon purchases and a treadmill later, and our plans became a reality.

This is the cabana in our backyard.

This is it what it looked like before.

And this is the space now, fully converted to a fitness center.

In addition to the cabana, I also have an open floor space in my home office where I can stretch, do some strength training, and work out with some online fitness programs. I also have one-mile, three-mile, and 5k distances mapped out in my neighborhood that offer a safe place to get outside year round. I have plenty of places to be active, and I know that makes me fortunate. You don’t have to have all the options I do to be successful, though. You just need one space to start.

Calendar What You Can and Flex The Rest

Now that you have a place, you need to make time to be in it. I am fortunate in that I work from home, have no commute, and don’t have kids or pets or any other demands on my time. I can work out before work, at lunch, and anytime after work. But having so many options can be its own challenge in that I will sometimes think, “oh, I’ll make time later” and then it doesn’t happen.

The most helpful tip I can offer is that three 10-minute workouts offer the same benefits as a single 30-minute workout. If you can’t find a half-hour to work out, then find smaller blocks of time throughout your day and lift dumbbells, do the Marine Corps Daily 7, or stretch your body. What you do - at least in the early days - is less important than the fact that you are doing anything at all.

For me, I have a few physical habits I am working to develop:

1. 30-45 minutes of activity at least five days each week

2. Dumbbells, 5x per day every workday

3. Stretching 2-3 times per week

The longer sessions are either before or after work. I prefer to do those early so I can feel good all day about having them done, but sometimes my pre-work mornings get away from me. If so, that’s okay. I get off work at 4:30pm and have plenty of time afterwards to get a longer workout in. All that matters at the end of the day is that I met my goals.

The Takeaway

If you are serious about wanting to make changes in your life and work on building a healthier, stronger you, it can happen. But you’ll need to make a commitment to yourself and honor that by doing what needs to be done. And that starts with making it as easy as possible to get your workouts in. Create a space and dedicate the time. You’ll be happy you did.

Time and Effort: The Reality of Weight Loss

 Or, “Small Steps Can Become Big Accomplishments”

This is the first post in what I intend to be a seven-part series. I’m sharing these in the hopes that others might see themselves in my journey and have the confidence to embark on one of their own.

Obvious yet necessary disclaimers:

1. This is my story and what is working for me. Your experience will be uniquely yours.
2. I am aware of my privilege. I have enough time, money, and help from my husband to devote to this. I understand that is not the situation for everyone.
3. I will continue to try to improve, which means I will make mistakes, I will fail, and I will adapt. If you’re looking for perfection, it’s not here.
4. I will be honest and share the good and the bad. I have zero interest in feeling guilt or shame for being human.
5. And finally, I am not a doctor and none of what follows is medical advice. Please be mindful of your own body, know your limits, and be realistic about the changes you make and the impact they can have.

Who Is This Guy?

I’m a certified life coach. My story was featured in the documentary, “From Fat To Finish Line.” I was even spotlighted in an issue of “Runners World.” And none of that matters here. Because this isn’t a series telling other people what they need to do. It’s just me sharing my own journey, what is working and what isn’t, and how I plan to continue losing the weight and keep it off. So what qualifies me to write and share all of this? The fact that it’s my story and no one else knows it like I do.

And since I’m talking about my own experiences, here’s a visual I’m particularly proud of.

March 2022 vs April 2019

A Little Background

Skinny kid. Gained a little weight while in the Marine Corps. Gained a lot after. Made multiple efforts to lose the weight, some of which were even successful, albeit temporarily. Lost more weight in 2010 and started running. A lot. Seven full marathons, 30+ half marathons, and 20+ long distance team relays. Appeared in a documentary with eleven other success stories running from Miami to Key West, Florida. Stopped running in the Fall of 2017. By August 2021, I was well over 220 pounds and feeling horrible. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, I was in a really dark place and feeling at my lowest.

Deep Down, I’m Very Shallow

What started my current journey? I’d like to say something profound, but no. It’s pretty vain, actually. I am planning a trip to Italy in September, and as I was looking ahead to it, I realized I didn’t want to be fat in all of the photos and videos we will take while there. More importantly, I didn’t want to be distracted by my insecurities when I should be enjoying the vacation experience of a lifetime. I didn’t know what I was going to do, exactly, but I knew I had a year to do something. And targeted marketing did the trick, because I got an email from Apple at the same moment I was contemplating how to start. (Is my iPhone reading my mind?) 

Throwing Money at the Problem

In August 2021, I bought an Apple Watch. It was my incentive to start making positive changes. It also came with a subscription to Apple Fitness+, and that gave me easy access to cardio and strength training videos. My commitment wasn’t really there, yet, but I was still more active than I had been in years, so it was a win. 

Fast forward to a month later, and a random interaction on Facebook, a Q&A with a friend, and my husband’s encouragement resulted in me buying a Peloton Bike. I’m a gadget and toy kind of guy, so I knew that these two purchases would help get me motivated. And with that, I was on my way.

Up Next: Making Space

(I’ll come back and link part two after it’s written and posted.)

From Fat To Finish Line - The Facebook Group

If you know me at all, you know that I am very proud of my involvement with the documentary film, "From Fat To Finish Line." It's the story of a dozen people who each lost weight through running and then took on the challenge of the Ragnar Relay Race in the Florida Keys. We battled the heat, the humidity, and the miles, and *spoiler alert* we ultimately crossed the finish line as a team. It was one of proudest moments as a runner.

The film is available now for purchase on iTunes and Amazon or you can watch it on NetFlix.

Believe it or not, the documentary isn't what I'm most proud of, though. It's amazing to be part of it, absolutely. But even more important to me is the community that has sprung up as a result of the film. Let me introduce you to From Fat To Finish Line - The Facebook Group.

Our little group of twelve has become a tribe of more than 7,000 people.

Yes. I said 7,000.

And we're still growing every single day. Because people want to be part of a running community that celebrates who they are right now AND who they want to become. We are fat and thin, tall and short, male and female, young and old. We are every color and religion and nationality. We strive to be the very best at welcoming all walkers/runners/joggers.

We celebrate miles. We cheer finish lines. We applaud non-scale victories. And most importantly, we recognize and support each other when those miles and finish lines and victories feel unattainable and out of reach.

We ARE the reason that people are pushing themselves to try more, to do more, and to be more. We are running buddies and shoulders-to-lean-on and a global support network unlike any other I have ever known.

Thanks to all of you in the group for becoming my running family. And to the rest of you, what are you waiting for? Come join us!

Food For Thought

I love it when I run across a random quote and immediately think, "wow, I totally get that!"

“The reason we race isn't so much to beat each other - but to be with each other.”
~ Christopher McDougall, author of Born to Run

It's a simple fact, I am not a fast runner. I am not likely to ever win a race. I'm comfortably a middle-of-the-pack runner and I'm perfectly fine with that. I don't run to win races. I run because I like the way running makes me feel.

And this quote from Christophe McDougall? Spot on accurate. I don't join relay races and run my portion of 200+ miles with the hopes of beating other teams. I join and I run because I treasure the experience. There is something so amazing, so personal, so powerful about sharing those miles and those hours with friends and strangers alike.

I don't know that it gets any better than that. So, I'll continue to find events big and small, corporate and local, distance and endurance. Because I love this stuff.

Dec 01 - Question of the Day

This is such a great first question to start my month of QODs. My 45th birthday is next month, and there was a time in the not so distant past where I would say that I was already feeling like a guy in my 60's. I spent my days sitting around, content to let life pass me by.

These days, though, my life is completely different. If I didn't know my calendar age, I would say I was a nutty kid in my 20's having a blast. In the last year alone, I've run adventure and obstacle races, traveled with friends to fitness events, and turned my weekends into excuses to be active and participating in life.

If there is such a thing as a fountain of youth, I've found it. And now that I have it, I'm never looking back. Whether I'm 45 or 65, I'm approaching each day like a kid. I'm asking, "what fun is waiting for me today?"

So, what about you? How old would YOU be if you didn't know how old you are?

2012 - Running My Crazy Feet Off

It looks like 2012 will be my running-est year ever. I've already locked down most of the big events I want to do, but I still have a few choices to make.

1. 12/31/11 - New Years Eve Half Marathon (Dallas, TX)


2. 01/01/12 - New Year Day Half Marathon (Dallas, TX)


3. 01/15/12 - 13.1 Los Angeles Half Marathon


4. 01/22/12 - Carlsbad Half Marathon


5. 02/11/12 - Tour de Palm Springs Bike Ride


6. 02/12/12 - Palm Springs Half Marathon


7. 03/11/12 - San Diego Half Marathon


8. 04/01/12 - Carlsbad 5000 (All Day 25K)


9. 04/07/12 - Hollywood Half Marathon


10. 04/29/12 - La Jolla Half Marathon


11. 05/06/12 - The OC Half Marathon (Orange County)


12. 06/08/12 - Rag Bag Reunion Half Marathon (Las Vegas, NV)


13. 07/14/12 - Dana Point Half Marathon TENTATIVE


14. 08/19/12 - AFC Half Marathon


15. 09/08/12 - Heartbreak Ridge Half Marathon (Camp Pendleton) TENTATIVE


16. 10/21/12 - Temecula Half Marathon TENTATIVE


17. 11/11/12 - Silver Strand Half Marathon (Coronado)

I need to decide if I am running each of the half marathons listed as TENTATIVE. I may find other half marathons instead... or I may just push myself and add a full marathon or two. And I need to find something in December, too.

Here's to a fast and fit 2012!

Running The Marine Corps Marathon, Part II

Twelve minutes after the starting cannon shot, my running buddy and I made our way across the timing mat. We were on the go and starting our marathon.

After standing around for the better part of an hour, we were anxious to move. And we all know how easy it is to over-run at the beginning. Running in a tight pack kept us from going out too fast, though. Our plan was to stay somewhere around 11:00 minutes per mile. That's slower than my 10K pace of 9:30, but we both felt it was a pace we could maintain for the whole marathon.

The first mile was pretty flat. It was cold and shady, but I was all adrenaline at that point. It was so exciting to actually be running after months of preparation that the distance really flew by. But once we reached mile one, we hit the big incline. It was a long, sloping climb and it was my first, "oh, damn," moment. It's when the enormity of what I had signed up to do hit me full on.

Fortunately, everywhere we ran (and I do mean everywhere) there were cheering crowds of spectators lining the streets. Sometimes small groups, other times packed several people deep, but always... always... cheers and encouragement from the most amazing people I've ever seen at an event.

The hill continued until we hit the 2.5 mile mark. There, it was a nice steady downhill until mile 4. The course was beautiful, almost a back country run through intense autumn foliage of reds and browns. I'm from San Diego, so it was an extra benefit to be somewhere in the fall with so much scenery to enjoy.

At this point in the race, I was thinking about great advice someone had given me. They said, "don't get so caught up in the stress and worry that you forget to enjoy the event itself." I kept that in mind, and running through the beautiful countryside kept me more than distracted from the miles I was putting in.

Just after mile 4, we crossed over a bridge. I made sure to keep my head up and look both ways as I ran over it. It was still cold, but the sun was shining and the view was breathtaking. I was the only runner who called out, "hey, everyone, enjoy the view!"

The next five miles were an out and back along Canal Road through the Palisades, an upscale neighborhood adjacent to The Mall. Even though it was completely residential, we still had crowds out to cheer us on. Entire families were along the course, holding signs and waving pom-poms and clanging cowbells. (Seriously, what was with all the cowbells?!)

My best memory of these miles was the Navy sailor, running alone, carrying a flag, and singing "Take On Me" by a-ha. Yep, he even reached for the crazy high notes of "Take on me... take on me... taaaake meeeeee oooooooonnn... I'll beeeeee goooooooooonnnne, in a day or twoooooooooooooooo!"

He was just one of many memorable characters I "met" along the course. There were so many people with powerful stories, told through photos and names and descriptions included on their t-shirts and sweatshirts and pinned on signs.

Medal of Honor winners. Trauma survivors. Brave men and women who served and sacrificed in all branches of the service. Children with cancer and beloved family members. There were so many stories that touched my heart... and yes, there were some tears along the way. I'm not ashamed to admit that. I felt honored to share the miles with all of them.

Near mile 10, I thought we would be making our way to The Mall. But no. We ran by it, but we veered off to run along the river. It wasn't until mile 16 that we came back to the business district, and just before mile 17, I made a quick stop to discard my running pants. I was warm enough to run in shorts, despite having what seemed to be the whitest legs of any competitor out there.



To this point, I felt great. We were steady on our pace and feeling strong. And we had trained up to a long run of 20 miles, so this was nothing new for us. And hitting mile 17 meant we were almost at The MCM Gauntlet.


What is The Gauntlet? The Marine Corps Marathon requires an average pace of no less than 14 minutes per mile. In addition to that, there are two checkpoints you have to meet. The first is the Gauntlet, located at the start of the section of course along The Mall. The crowds were thick in this area, and the cheers and screams were so motivating. I felt so energized, like I could run all day long if I had to. And running by the Capital Building and past the Washington Monument? Absolutely incredible.

Finishing the lap around The Mall meant heading to the second checkpoint. Called "Beat The Bridge," it is located at mile 20. If you don't beat it, you get swept onto the follow bus. For me, hitting the bridge was my moment. It's when I realized that I was actually going to finish the marathon, that I could complete the run in the time left even if I had to crawl. And yep, I made Jerry stop for a water break and a quick photo while we were in the middle of the bridge.


Up to this point, I was doing great. But we had never trained past 20 miles, so we were on all new ground. I had no idea how tough it was going to get from here.

Miles 22, 23 and 24 were an out and back through Crystal City. The crowds were super supportive, but my body was starting to push back. Since I ran the Tough Mudder last May, my right hip has been my weak spot on long, long runs. The marathon was no exception. More than once, I had to make a quick stop to stretch and twist and try to loosen up my muscles.

At this point, I had two things going for me. One, I knew that I was not going to quit no matter what. Two, my friend, Jerry. He simply refused to let me stop. By the time we hit mile 25, we knew that we could finish in less than 5 hours. But that meant that we had to keep moving.


I had never seen anything as beautiful as the mile marker for mile 26, nor had I seen anything as terrible as the hill that we had to climb to the finish line. It felt straight up, and the crowds were pushing in so tight from either side that it felt like we could reach out and touch the spectators on either side of the course.


We dug in and kept running. I could barely lift my feet high enough off the ground to match the incline of the road, but my eyes were on the prize. And finally, with less than 40 seconds to spare, we crossed the finish line.


Yes, I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in 4:59:20. And I am proud of myself, grateful to my friend, and honored to have been part of "The People's Marathon."



(And for more photos of the course, check out another runner's blog:www.andherlittledogtoo.c
om/2011/11/marine-corps-ma
rathon-2011-race-recap.html )

Running The Marine Corps Marathon, Part I

Is it odd that I find writing a blog entry about my marathon experience is proving tougher than running the marathon, itself?

There is SO much I want to say, to explain, to share, that I hardly know where to start. Writing chronologically seems the best approach, though it means I am chomping at the bit to get to the great stuff.

My marathon weekend started with an uneventful plane flight out on Thursday, Oct 27th, from San Diego to Washington, DC. My husband and I came in mid-day, then headed back to the airport at midnight to pick up my running buddy, Jerry. On Friday morning, hopped on The Metro and headed into DC.



After a quick trip, we split up, the husband playing tourist on The Mall and me and Jerry going to the Fitness Expo at the DC Armory. Wow, what an experience. The packet pickup was quick and easy, so we were in great spirits to wander around and check out every vendor inside. We tasted beans and gels and blocks and chomps, tried on clothes and oogled high-tech gear. We shopped, browsed, and of course, bought cool Marine Corps Marathon jackets. Sure, the jacket was a bit pricey, but I decided that it was my once-in-a-lifetime experience and souvenir, and it was worth every penny. We walked out of there a couple hours later with swag bags filled to overflowing. (Thanks, Marine Corps Marathon and Semper Fi Fund for all the great goodies!)


After that, we headed back to the Mall to meet up with Ric. After a bit of outdoor sightseeing, we went inside and toured the National Museum of American History. It was a welcome break from the quickly-falling temperatures outside. (And yes, the weather will be a big part of my story still to come.)


Then it was Saturday, and we needed an indoor activity that wouldn't wear us out. We decided to visit the Marine Corps Museum in Quantico, and it was an amazing day. I could spend forever in there, surrounded by the amazing stories and histories of the bravest fighting men and women this nation has ever seen. And it seemed right to be there, given that we were running the Marine Corps Marathon the next day.


Soon enough, it was time to return to my friend's apartment, prepare for the marathon, and get a good night's sleep. Fat chance of that. As soon as we walked out of the museum, we knew we were in for a crazy running experience. The rain was coming down hard, the temperature was still dropping, and snow was on its way.

Snow. Seriously. The day before the marathon. So much for "expected race day high of 55 degrees," right? We got back to the apartment and my friend started digging around for warm clothes we could borrow. We found sweatshirts, long sleeve shirts, and running pants. Whew!

Sunday morning. After a night of very little sleep (nerves? excitement? fear of the cold?!), we were up early and ready to go. We walked the mile and a half from my friend's place to the Pentagon, and there we hurried and scurried around, anything to keep warm. With wind chill, the pre-dawn temperature was 25 degrees. And Jerry kept glaring at me, saying, "oh, it will be warm... perfect running weather... you'll love it!" Thank goodness we have been friends for so long that he will forgive me anything, right?


Soon enough, we changed out of our comfy top layers of clothes and dropped them off with gear check. We then walked the quarter mile or so to the highway and got in our corral. At this point, the event became real for me. I knew that soon enough, I was going to hear the cannon fire, start moving, cross the line, and be running my very first full marathon.

There was an amazing spirit and energy before the run began. People were laughing and dancing around (to stay warm, I think), and there was a great "we're all in this together" vibe. There weren't strangers, just running buddies that we hadn't met, yet. And mostly, those around us that had already run a full marathon were supportive and encouraging. They said all the right things to let us know that we were going to be just fine. They really helped put my nervous mind at ease before we started.


And then we were off. It took a full twelve minutes to get from our corral to the start line. By then, we were ready to move and shake off the cold morning. The 26.2 mile journey had begun.


To Be Continued...

Competing Against The Pros

I've been thinking a lot about the upcoming Marine Corps Marathon. Some of it has been expected (nervous, excited, worried) and some of it has been unexpected ("how quickly can I go to the bathroom and will it ruin my time?").

Amongst all that crazy talk, though, was a very cool thought about running in half and full marathons. And while that thought was half-forming in my head, I stumbled across a great blog entry that had already expressed everything that I wanted to say on the subject.

It's a blog entry called Why I Love Marathons, and this is my favorite part:

That’s why I love marathons (and triathlons). They’re open to any old body on any old given day. If you’ve got the gumption, put in the training hours and pay the registration fee, you can race alongside (okay, mostly behind but still in the same race with) world-class, record-holding champions.

It's from a fun blog called "Why I Suck At Running," and I invited you to check it out. I love that she was able to articulate my own thoughts. I get to compete at the same time, on the same course, and through the same Start and Finish lines with world class athletes. No other sport lets me do that.

And with that, I'm even  more motivated to running this marathon.

 

 

Struggling? As If.

Earlier this week, I wrote a blog about the problems I've been having keeping focused and on track during my last few weeks of marathon training. I described it as struggling, even.

What a schmuck. Struggling? Really? My problem is that I have too much to eat and I can choose to sit around instead of working out. Only in a world of privilege would too much food and too much free time be a problem, right?

Want to know what a real problem looks like? A real struggle? Here's one. Stacie Crimm was pregnant and found out she had cancer. She had to decide between her own life and that of her child. And she made the ultimate sacrifice to give that child life.

Stacie Crimm, Mom With Cancer, Refuses Chemotherapy And Dies To Save Unborn Daughter

It's stories like this that remind me that I live an extraordinary life filled with more good things than I can count. And in the moments when I am down, I need to keep perspective. In the big scheme of things, I have nothing to complain about.

Struggling With The Unknown

On Sunday, October 30th, I will attempt the toughest physical challenge of my life, the Marine Corps Marathon. I will run 26.2 miles through the streets of Washington, past monuments dedicated to greatness and memorials honoring service and sacrifice.

I will be joined by thousands of men and women, each running for their own reasons. I will be accompanied by two friends who have each known me for more than half of my life. And we will start and finish together, even if we have to carry each other through our most grueling moments.

I have prepared for this. I have completed long runs from eight to twenty miles. I have trained through muscle cramps and blisters. I have discovered hip flexors and hamstrings. I have run treadmills and coast roads, park trails and city streets. I have run before the first light of day, in the heat of the scorching afternoon sun, and in the dark of night.

I have considered myself a newbie and been treated like an expert. I have felt confident and defeated, empowered and embarrassed. I have set records and missed milestones. I have been dedicated and determined, on-track and off my game.

I have been all of these things, because training for a marathon is an experience unlike any other. It offers countless hours of alone time, time spent mentally churning over every little thing. Running mile after mile means having all the time in the world to think about myself, my life, my choices and my actions. Ironically, all that running makes it impossible to run from myself any longer.

And that is my struggle. In the quiet that comes from hours alone, I have discovered that I am not happy with the person I am. I am not happy with some aspects of my life. I am not happy with many of my choices and I am ashamed of many of my actions.

This realization is unsettling. I have long considered myself a strong personality, a friendly force of nature capable of anything. I have walked confidently and with purpose. I am the man who can talk to anyone and do so comfortably and easily. I am the man who says yes. Yes, I'll run the Tough Mudder. Yes, I'll run the Super Spartan. Yes, I can do that job. Yes, I can stand up and give that speech. Yes, I can and yes, I will. And yes... I have.

So why the doubts now? Why has introspection and a long gaze inward caused such discomfort? Why am I falling apart emotionally?

I can't explain why I have become so frozen in place that I have spent the last week not training at all. My last run was ten days ago. And I have blown off tracking my food and am existing on junk food and crappy meals. At the time that I should be most dedicated to my training, I am in freefall.

Normally at this point in my writing, I am ready with all the answers. The words come easy to me, and I provide my own solution to my dilemma. Not this time.

The basics are there, of course. I need to track my food and be mindful of the fuel I am putting in my body. Over the next two weeks, every bite matters. The right choices will mean a healthier body, and the wrong choices will mean a weakened body struggling through every mile. I also need to lace up my shoes and hit the streets. I am in taper mode, but the miles are still important. Training now means a body stronger, leaner and fully capable of meeting the demands of a marathon. Not training means a more grueling physical experience and potential failure.

So the physical turn-around is easy enough. Starting today, I will get back on track and follow my plan. But what of the mental and emotional? How do I work through all of the garbage flying around in my head?

When in doubt, go with what works. In order to get through the next two weeks and the twenty-six miles, I am going to rely on a coping mechanism that has worked for me nearly all of my life. I'm going to just ignore it all.

I know that what I'm doing isn't truly helpful. And I realize that long-term avoidance is a bad idea. But right now, this moment, I don't feel I have the luxury of time to attend to my own drama.

This is about the run. This is about a physical and mental challenge that I am determined to meet. And afterwards, I'll need to take a long hard look at myself and sort out what is going on inside.

For now, I'm only seeing one thing, the finish line at the Marine Corps Memorial in Arlington.

Another Look at the Tough Mudder

Here's a quick recap of the Tough Mudder, courtesy of the amazing Ryan Southwell Films. My former Ragnar Relay buddies (Ryan and Mark) are featured, along with the uber-cool Kelly Southwell. Enjoy!

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/24522765 w=400&h=300]

Tough Mudder - Snow Valley 2011 from Ryan Southwell on Vimeo.

Tough Mudder SoCal - My Insane Adventure

Monday, May 30, 2011

(This recap is going to be in two parts. The first, here, is the objective description of the Tough Mudder. The second, still to come, is the way I felt before, during and after running the event.)Saturday, May 28th, I ran the SoCal Tough Mudder. Without a doubt, this was the single most intense, demanding, and inspiring athletic event I have ever done. It was ten miles of rugged terrain, an elevation ascent equivalent to climbing a 300 story building, and a lack of oxygen that comes from running at nearly 8,000 feet altitude.

In other words, the Tough Mudder was exactly what they promised me: Probably the Toughest Event on the Planet. And this is the official description: Tough Mudder is not your average lame-ass mud run or spirit-crushing ‘endurance’ road race. It’s Ironman meets Burning Man, and it is coming to a location near you. Our 10-12 mile obstacle courses are designed by British Special Forces to test all around strength, stamina, mental grit, and camaraderie. Forget finish times. Simply completing a Tough Mudder is a badge of honor.

And this is the Tough Mudder pledge that every Mudder swears before the start:

As a Tough Mudder I pledge that…
* I understand that Tough Mudder is not a race but a challenge.
* I put teamwork and camaraderie before my course time.
* I do not whine – kids whine.
* I help my fellow Mudders complete the course.
* I overcome all fears.

Here is a link to the video I made during the event using a helmet-cam. The times on the obstacles below correspond to their appearance in the video, in case you want to fast forward to a specific obstacle.

And here is a breakdown of the obstacles, and nearly every one of them was done while we were being sprayed with ice cold water:

(06:00) Braveheart Charge – The start of the event, with a wave of 500 people cheering and yelling and charging downhill



(09:00) Boa Constrictor – Crawl through small pipes with sand, mud and grit



(13:00) Kiss Of Mud – Crawl on your belly through mud under low wire 8” off the ground




Platform Cross – Up and over a slick wooden platform


(14:30) Mile of Mud – Run through a mud pit



(15:00) Jocks on the Rocks - Jump into a pit of mud and ice


(17:45) Log Bog Jog – Leap over fallen logs

(21:30) Funky Monkey - Swing across monkey bars over cold, muddy water



(23:00) BBQ Pit – Low crawl through a pit, underneath hot coals and ash


(25:00) Hold Your Wood - Pick up and run up a steep hill with a heavy log


(27:30) Underwater Tunnels - Swim underneath barrels held on the surface of the water


(31:10) Ball Shrinker - Traverse ropes stretched across a pond




(34:15) Walk the Plank - Jump off planks into a super cold pond and swim across



(39:00) Dirt Hill – Climb up soft sand and a lot of it


(39:55) Box Trot – Leap from box to box… or fall like the rest of us and slog through the mud


(41:00) Bottleneck – Single file through a tight trail, then rock climbing to get up and out

(41:50) Devil's Beard – Crazy cargo netting

(43:15) Death March - Steep climb up one of the ski slopes

(43:35) Primal Scream – Near the top, let the world hear your call

(46:55) Evil Knievel – Race up the greased half-pipe, reach out, and hang on


(49:15) Cliff Hanger – Climb straight up the mountain



(52:58) Greased Lightning - Slide down a steep hill into the cold water and swim back out



(55:08) Kentucky Derby – A crazy mix of logs to navigate over


Gauntlet - Up and down a steep ski slope while being sprayed by high-pressure hose

Berlin Walls - Climb over 12’ walls made of wooden planks


Platform Crawl – Crawl through a low passage drenched in mud and packed with hay


Electroshock Therapy - Run through live electric wires (seriously, live wires)



And of course, the glory that came with finishing!