Sunset Cliffs at Christmas

"Cut It Loose."

If it doesn't challenge your mind, feed your soul, heal your heart, or strengthen your body, cut it loose.

"Thug Life"

Disneyland with the Mickey Ears

"A Kind Rhyme For Friends"

A man, living west on the coast,
Asked himself, what matters most?
Is it money or fame,
Or outlandish claims,
That to others just sound like a boast?

None of all that matters much.
They're no more than nonsense and such.
At the end of the day,
They all go away,
And fade at the slightest of touch.

So what is it, when push comes to shove,
Gentle but strong, like a velvet glove?
It's simple but true,
The power in you,
To hope and to help and to love.

All of this I know firsthand.
It's something that I understand.
My family and friends
Give me love without end
And I wear their strength like a brand.

So thank you to those in my life.
Stronger than hurt, pain or strife.
And to those who'd hurt you,
A warning or two,
Bitch, I'll straight up cut you with my knife.

30-60-90 Challenge

It's been a fun couple of months, sure, but it's time for me to refocus on my fitness and health goals. I've been active in big running events, but my training routine has suffered. Worse, my eating has become less about nutrition and moderation and more about speed and convenience.

Not surprisingly, my weight reflects my lack of fitness and my abundance of calories. And I am not okay with that. It isn't that I've gained pounds, because I'm not obsessed with weighing any particular number. It's that no longer feel fit. I have lost speed and stamina in my running and my core strength is noticeably weaker than it was even one year ago.

What do I do when I notice a problem? I jump full-on into a challenge that, hopefully, will help get me back on track. And this time is no exception.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my 30-60-90 Challenge.

For the next 30 days, I will complete the following:

1. Run 3 miles, 3 times per week
2. 30 crunches each day
3. 30 pushups each day
4. Eat within my calorie range 30% (2 days) of the week

For the next 30 days, I will complete the following:

1. Run 6 miles, 3 times per week
2. 60 crunches each day
3. 60 pushups each day
4. Eat within my calorie range 60% (4 days) of the week

For the next 30 days, I will complete the following:

1. Run 9 miles, 3 times per week
2. 90 crunches each day
3. 90 pushups each day
4. Eat within my calorie range 90% (6 days) of the week

I will likely find some other physical activities to do, especially during the first thirty days, and I will not overindulge on food on the non-tracking days just because I can. But I am easing myself back into a routine and think this progressive plan will be a challenge but also doable.

My challenge ends on February 15th, and I will celebrate that milestone with the California 10/20 Race, a ten mile coastal run here in North County San Diego. It will be fun to run in an organized event again feeling more physically fit and mentally ready.

So, here we go with my 30-60-90 Challenge!

Big Events Do Not Equal Great Training

It's been a crazy two months of running, including the Capital to Coast Relay, two separate Ragnar Relays, and the Marine Corps Marathon. It was a lot of big event types of things, and I loved (nearly) every minute of it.

But, here's the thing about events like that. They have a negative impact on my overall training.
Instead of a good week of training, I might only have a single training run during the week. Other days, I'm busy with travel, company, expos, sightseeing, etc.

Running the Marine Corps Marathon, for example, is way more than just one day's activity. It's a travel day there and a travel day back. It's an afternoon at check-in and the expo. It's dinners with friends and drinks after. It's a day to explore the city and play tourist. All and all, it was five days away from San Diego and my normal routine.

Now, multiply that type of weekend by the last eight weeks, and you get a better idea of how my training has fallen by the wayside. Sure, I ran from Austin to Corpus Christi one weekend. But I only ran 16 or so miles of it. And I was away from San Diego from Thursday through Sunday again. Another week, another several days of not working out at all.

I don't regret any of the events. I have had an amazing couple of months. From September 19th through November 9th, I have been coast to coast!

San Francisco to Napa, Ragnar Relay

MCRD San Diego, Boot Camp Challenge

Denver, Steampunk Wedding

San Diego, playing host 

Austin to Corpus Christi, Capital to Coast Relay

DC, Marine Corps Marathon

Hollywood, Hard Rock 5k

Las Vegas, Ragnar Relay

For now, though, my steady-travel days are on hold. And I have a plan to get myself back into my training routine. But that's for another blog.

Mammoth Mountain

 

Ragnar Vegas - Live Blogging?

Okay, this was a bad idea. I'm just gonna do updates on Facebook and I'll blog later.

Ragnar Vegas - Hello, Sin City!

And we're here!

Ragnar Vegas - Fun with markers

Stop at Target for window markers.  Check!  Have fun with said markers.  Check!

Begin 80s dance party in the car.

CHECK!!!  It. Is. ON!!!

Ragnar Vegas - Lunch!

Of course, it's not a road trip without a stop for food.

Ragnar Vegas - Road Trip

We are officially on the road to Vegas. Ragnar, here we come!

Ragnar Vegas - Live Blogging

It's time for Ragner Vegas, and I decided that I'm going to live blog the entire event. Not sure how well it will work, but we'll find out.

First up, Kelsey and I have to go get the rental car.

Oh, and this is Kelsey!

And The Student Will Become The Master.

Not so long ago, a Marine Corps Brother of mine kept seeing my posts about health and fitness and decided to make a few changes of his own. Shortly after, I had the honor and joy of accompanying him on his first half marathon run. It was a brutal experience for him, but he stuck with it and finished all 13.1 miles.

The last mile of the half marathon, and Jeff is all go and no quit!

Fast forward to yesterday's Depot Days Run. That same Marine Corps Brother, Jeff Lester, took first place in his age division for the 5 Mile Run. And he has the big, shiny trophy to prove it.

Who got a shout-out? This guy. How cool is that?!

I imagine Jeff is feeling proud of himself, but honestly, he can't be any prouder than I am of him. He credits me for getting him started, but this is really a story of full circle inspiration. Because right now, I am seeing what he is doing and thinking, "hey, it's time to step up my training if I want to keep up with this guy... he's a rock star!"

I'll see Jeff later this week in Texas. We are both teammates, running the Capital to Coast Relay from Austin to Corpus Christi. And right now, I'm just hoping I can keep pace with him.

Congrats, Brother. You earned it!

What happens when I'm the jerk.

So, this blog isn't about me being awesome. Or me being amazing. Or me being anything good at all. It's about two separate occasions when I realized that I was the jerk.

First up, my trip to Colorado last weekend for the wedding of a Marine Corps brother and his amazing fiance'. Through the bride and groom, I met many wonderful new people that were also involved with the wedding. Unfortunately, my sense of humor managed to make one of those people very uncomfortable, and I have no one to blame but myself.

In an attempt to be funny and mock people who are racist, I made a comment that I thought would be obviously understood as entirely contrary to what I believe. But to the other guest, who is also the adopted father of two multi-race young children, the comment sounded serious enough that he actually asked the bride later if I "had a problem with black people."

No, he wasn't being overly sensitive. And no, he wasn't just looking to be offended. I knew what I meant by my joke, but I had no right to assume he would feel the same. And if the situation was reversed, and I was the one on the receiving end of the comment, I would likely have questioned him, as well.

So to that Father, I offer this very sincere and public apology. I spoke without considering those around me, I made you uncomfortable, and I sounded like an asshole. I am sorry. And all I can do is try to remember this the next time I decide to be "clever."

Next up, this morning and me signing up for the VFW Mane Event. It's a fundraiser for the VFW and for military servicemen and women dealing with PTSD. People sign up to get a military haircut on Veterans Day, and other people donate money to encourage them. Simple, right? What could go wrong there?

When I signed up, I had the option of registering as an individual, starting my own team, or joining a team already in place. I scrolled through the teams, found one called "PTSD Sucks," and decided to partner with them. I registered, joined the team, and made my own donation to kick off my fund-raising efforts.

Afterwards, I decided to drop a note to the team captain introducing myself. I clicked through the links and found his email address. Imagine my surprise when I saw that it was an email address for Liberty University (liberty.edu). Yep, THE Liberty University. The one founded by Jerry Falwell. The one that is on record as being proudly, adamantly, and defiantly anti-gay. And I just joined a team captained by someone connected somehow with the university.

My first thought? Get off the team. Why do I want to align myself with someone who obviously is anti-gay? But it was too late, since I had already made my own first donation. I could sign up again, but I would lose my own money and I would then have two profiles out there as a participant.

My second thought? Wow, I'm being a complete jackass. I'm judging this team captain as being a bigot just because of his email address. Honestly, the hypocrisy was a gut punch. He wasn't the bigot, I was. Sure, we might have different opinions on many things. But we both obviously feel strongly enough about military veterans and the need to support them as they return home that we signed up for the event to help. What kind of jerk was I to judge him as anything less than honorable, committed, and caring? What would *I* think if he had been the one to search my email address, see a picture of my husband and I, and decide to kick me off the team because I'm gay?

To the team captain, I say that I am sorry for presuming what I did about you. I had no right to think the worst of a person who had only presented themselves as a person who wanted to help Veterans. I apologize to you and I want to say that I am honored to be on your team.

It's really easy to judge other people for being racist, bigots, prejudiced, etc. It's much more difficult to recognize when we are the ones in the wrong. When that happens, the only thing we can do is admit it, make amends as necessary, and try to be a better person in the future.

And that's where I am right now.

National Poetry Day

Storm Warning

Like a Gulf storm, he has come to my life suddenly and completely.
Will he leave the same way? Will I be here alone and empty?

Love for me has been like a southern storm,
Appearing without warning, catching me by surprise,
Emotion pouring out around me like a squall.
First the wind, then the rain, then it’s gone. And that’s all.

So here I am again, standing on the pier,
Watching the clouds forming,
Feeling, knowing, the storm is near.

What do I do now?
I could turn, run. It’s not too late.
Inside, the storm would pass me by,
Though I’d watch it, feeling alone but safe.

But I am still me,
The child who chased rainbows and believed in magic.
Not so innocent anymore, but still that child.

Let the rain come down, and the beads of water pour down my face and soak my body.
If this storm is to pass quickly, I want to enjoy every second of its glory.

But what is to be, of it, and of me,
Once this storm returns to the sea?

____________

I wrote this poem years ago, living in Mobile, Alabama, and wondering if I would ever know what it felt like to be truly, madly, completely loved and in love. Thanks to my husband, I do know how it feels. And it is every bit as glorious as I imagined and worth everything I have risked or sacrificed to have it.

On the Front Porch

Attitude, Adjusted.

It's 3am and I'm wide awake in a hotel outside of San Francisco. Soon, I'll be in the team van heading to the start line of Ragnar Napa. 

Who's feeling better? This guy. It's amazing what good friends and an upcoming challenge can do for a guy's mood.

Wanting Out.

There's no way to write this blog without just putting the truth out there, so here goes.

The last couple of weeks, I have felt completely and totally out of control. I have felt distanced from friends, been abrupt with co-workers, and responded irrationally to a seemingly unending tide of day-to-day annoyances. I feel like I'm trying to flee from my own skin, I'm so out of sorts.

Earlier this week, I found these images created by Czech photographer Michal Macku. They represent perfectly every uncomfortable and angry feeling I'm struggling with right now. The first photo I saw, with the artist literally coming apart at the seams, captured my own desire to shred my connection to everything and just be gone, away, anywhere, even if only for a moment. It's as if shedding my skin would magically transport me to a whole new dimension of peace.

I realize that sounds so melodramatic and desperate, and that's so much farther off the chart than I am really am. But the idea of being able to step outside of my life for a moment definitely has its appeal.

The second photo was much more specific for me. Who hasn't imagined anonymity, the chance to go out into this world and say and do anything without repercussions or blowback? The desire is strong to engage completely anew without consideration of all of the baggage that I carry. I imagine it would be similar to striking up a conversation with a stranger on a plane, where the option to be completely honest (or creatively deceptive) would be without fall-out or consequence.

And the other side of that possibility draws me, too. Imagine having someone speak to you without presuming to know in advance how you will respond. It would be conversation in its purest form, speaking and actually listening.

Ask me what I truly want right now and I would have to answer honestly, I don't know. Is it to be left alone or to be engaged by others? Is it privacy or company?

Again, pretty melodramatic stuff, I know. It's just where my head is right now. I know I will work my way through it, because I always do. But the process takes its toll. Unfortunately for the people in my life who care about me, the process also takes its toll on them, in that they are aware of my shift in behavior and attitude but are powerless to do anything to influence it.

I will continue to do what I always do in these situations. I will go about my daily routine as if I am fine, and ultimately, "acting as if" will become my reality. I just have to keep pushing on.

And so I will.