Zoom to the Bar

Workplace Dilemma

Workplace Dilemma

 

Union Shorts

 

Love During the Time of COVID

 

Pajamas Day

Not The Priest

 

He Knows Me So Well

 

"Happy Margaritaville, Sad Margaritaville."

 

Sandwich Madness

 

"Just Resting My Eyes"

 

The Love of the Great Outdoors

You're a jerk because you're rude to wait staff.

Nearly a year ago, my husband and I made a commitment to each other to start doing Date Night again. We picked Monday nights, because it gave us something to look forward to after the first work day of the week. Each week we pick a new restaurant and spend a couple of hours off of our phones and catching up with each other. It's been a great way to help us stay connected no matter how busy we get. 

I'll talk more about that another time, though, because this blog entry is focused on something completely different. Being out in various restaurants week after week, I've started to pay much more attention to what is going on around me. And one constant I am seeing is other people being crappy to their wait staff.

What's happening, exactly? So many things. And they're all completely wrong.

• Remember where you are. If you only have a half hour to eat, don't go to a full-service restaurant and bitch that you are in a hurry. Likewise, don't complain that you have to clear your own table and toss your trash out if you are eating at a fast food joint. 
• If a server or busser is walking by with their hands full of plates and glasses, that is not the time to call to them and start chattering on about a problem with your order. Let them go to the back, and drop off the dirty dishes first. It won't kill you to wait a moment.
• If you see your server is taking an order at the table next to you, don't start barking out your own request. They're already talking to someone and don't need you distracting them. Wait your damn turn.
• If you've placed your menu down on the table in the universal "I'm ready to order" signal, be ready. The moment your server asks what you are having is not the time to ponder the many options available.
• If there is a problem with your order, take a breath. It's not the end of the world. Calmly get your server's attention and explain what is incorrect. Trust that they will be happy to resolve the issue and make things right. Don't act like they made the mistake on purpose just to ruin your dining experience.
• And most importantly, tip appropriately. Servers not only rely on those tips to make a living, they often have to "tip out" other employees a portion of the tips they receive. So your lack of a tip often means your server is working for nothing. Believe me, your $3 tip on a $50 check is bullshit. 

Servers are human beings doing a difficult job for an insufficient amount of pay. Remember that next time you are enjoying a meal out in a restaurant. Have a little respect for the wait staff and be a bright spot in their shift. Trust me, there are already plenty of other people who are fighting to be the biggest asshat. 

(Image courtesy of StateHornet.com)

From All Of That To This.

Yeah, I know. It's been a minute since I've posted anything. But the beginning of a new year is as good a time as any to emerge from the shadows, right?

First up, I took some time to "clean house." That means I picked up all the pieces of myself that were scattered across the web and consolidated them all to this one website, San Diego John. Now, the runner me and the writer me and the Captain Awesome me are all here in one place. And that was the easy part.

The next and more difficult part is taking a good look at myself and figuring out how all of those pieces fit together. Am I still a runner? A writer? Am I still Captain Awesome? That's going to take some time to sort out.

But my commitment to myself is that I will do that work. I will take the time to get it together and put myself back out there.

Here we go.

"Bovine Fluid and Sweet Disks"

"You're not the same."

I've heard that from a few people lately. And I know they are right. I'm not the same. There's a sadness about me that is completely foreign to the person I used to be. But I don't think it's possible to go through all that I have over the last couple of years and not be changed by it.

Most people may know some of what happened, but few people know all of it.

• Ric's father and a lifelong friend both died the same weekend a dear friend was murdered. 
• We lost a close family friend to suicide. 
• A group of friends and I pulled a young man from a burning car only to learn that he succumbed to his injuries a couple of weeks later. 
• A different young man purposely ran out in front of my husband's car on the highway, dying instantly when he was struck by the Jeep at 45 mph. 
• Another friend died in a tragic rock climbing accident.

So much loss over a relatively short amount of time. And it's broken something inside of me. Instead of becoming numb, I've become hypersensitive. I think about death and loss all of the time, constantly worrying about losing someone else. I know it's unrealistic, but it's what I'm feeling.

What can I do? Well, I've seen a counselor a few times, and I think I need to continue doing that. He can help me work on creating different thought patterns, focusing on the positives instead of imagining all the possible negatives.

Beyond that, I don't know what else to do. Trying to work through the stages of grief was impossible, because we had so much loss piled on top of loss. It's hard to move on when a new wave of pain hits you and takes you right back to the worst feelings again.

I don't know that I will ever be the same person again. I don't know how to turn off the worry, which means there is always an underlying fear of more loss. I realize death is part of life, but I need to strike a better balance that still allows me to live my life.

The simple truth is, I'm not the same happy-go-lucky person I used to be. I don't know if I ever will be that person again.

Reading back over this, it feels like I should have so much more to say. But the truth is, this simple reality is a big part of what is consuming me day to day. I worry over what else might happen and I worry that I won't be able to handle anything more.

And now you know.

No, They Don't Want A Parade.

Speaking for every active duty service man and woman, I can tell you one thing for certain. They do NOT want a military parade.

How do I know this? Because I know what that kind of public display means in terms of work, and I know that no soldier, sailor, airman or Marine wants to do it.

Think about it. A parade means that all those involved need to prepare a dress uniform, clean and prepare any gear or hardware required, and then march for miles in formation. What about that sounds relaxing?

There will be other discussions about why publicly flexing our military muscle will more likely make us look like a banana republic. People are already saying things like that. And no surprise, I agree. It's just dumb. And expensive. And wasteful.

But my small but specific point here is that a parade only means more work for our military men and women. If we truly want to salute our military, raise their pay. Short of something significant like that, just give them a 96-hour liberty pass and say, "thanks for what you do to keep us safe."

So, Where's John Been?

I've been at work, mostly, and not feeling at all creative. I haven't written anything in months, and the weight of that is like a stone around my neck.

Writing. It's how people get through tough times. And I think I have allowed myself all the "hide out from the world" time that I need. Now, it's time to turn my attention back to my creative self.

It's time to write again.

Of Anthems and "Taking a Knee"

I've struggled to find the words to express how I feel about the #TakeAKnee protest, but I came across this and it summarized perfectly my own take on it. The author's name is Mike Wiley, and I will include a link to the original post when I am able to track it down.

"No one has asked my opinion on the #TakeAKnee protest in the NFL, but since it seems to be setting Facebook on fire, I guess I’ll weigh in. We are constantly being told we must come together and get along. I agree with that, so that means we must try to understand people we don’t agree with. So I made an attempt to do just that. Here’s what I found:

Why is Colin Kaepernick kneeling during the National Anthem? This protest has been going on for a year. It was in support of the Black Lives Matter protest. Here is Kaepernick’s reasoning on his protest:

"I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color…[T]o me, this is bigger than football, and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder…[T]his is not something that I am going to run by anybody ... I am not looking for approval. I have to stand up for people that are oppressed. ... If they take football away, my endorsements from me, I know that I stood up for what is right."

So Kaepernick sees a perceived injustice in society and he’s using his Constitutional right to peacefully protest that injustice. Is he the first athlete to do so? No. Muhammad Ali protested being drafted into the military and took his protest all the way to the United States Supreme Court. All 50 states denied Ali a boxing license from 1967 until 1970 and his passport was revoked. Ali’s age at this time was between 25-29, prime earning years. He lost millions to stand up for what he believed was right.

Here’s what Ali’s said about the draft: "Why should they ask me to put on a uniform and go ten thousand miles from home and drop bombs and bullets on brown people in Vietnam while so-called Negro people in Louisville are treated like dogs and denied simple human rights?"

Ali was despised by people at the time for not being patriotic. Yet somehow in his later years, he was held in high esteem, not only in this country, but around the world.

Some of you from the older generation might remember the 1968 Olympics and the Black Power protest of Tommie Smith and John Carlos. During the National Anthem they raised a black-gloved fist and put their heads down. Their statement on their protest was "for those individuals that were lynched, or killed, and that no one said a prayer for, that were hung and tarred. It was for those thrown off the side of the boats in the Middle Passage."

Smith went on to say, “We were concerned about the lack of black assistant coaches. About how Muhammad Ali got stripped of his title. About the lack of access to good housing and our kids not being able to attend the top colleges.” Smith and Carlos were suspended from the Olympics and told to leave the village immediately. They, and their families, received death threats when they returned to the U.S.

(An interesting side note: The IOC President who suspended Carlos and Smith, had no problem with the Nazi salute given by athletes in 1936 when he was also the IOC President).

If we move from politics, of course Martin Luther King, Jr.’s protests come to mind. King believed in non-violent protest, but his non-violent protests often led to violence from the other side. King’s protests were met w/ fire hoses, police dogs, and beatings.

King was considered a rabble rouser, unpatriotic, communist, and of course, all sorts of slang terms used for African Americans. He was spied upon by his own government. Yet somehow today we revere the work that he did. He has his own holiday to celebrate his efforts.

There’s one final person I’d like to mention and that’s Rosa Parks. When Rosa Parks was asked to give up her seat to a white man by the bus driver, she refused. But she didn’t violate some longstanding custom, she broke the law and was arrested.

Of course, all she had to do was give up her seat on the bus like the three other African Americans did when the driver directed them to do so. But she decided “The time had just come when I had been pushed as far as I could stand to be pushed, I suppose. I had decided that I would have to know, once and for all, what rights I had as a human being, and a citizen.”

Parks wasn’t idolized at that time; she was seen as a law-breaker because she refused to follow what was considered “normal” at that time. And of course, in the South at that time, she didn’t “know her place.”

So I bring up these other four famous protests or protesters to prove a point: They were the Colin Kaepernick of their times. Their protests were denigrated, and deemed disrespectful, un-American, and unpatriotic. They were called all sorts of names and they just didn’t appreciate what they were given. Yet somehow, all these years later, we’ve deemed these protesters worthy of our admiration.
Protest isn’t supposed to feel good. It’s not a warm-fuzzy moment. It’s meant to make you feel uncomfortable and angry. It’s to bring to your attention, something someone perceives as an injustice. You may not agree with their perception, but you have a responsibility as an American to at least hear them out and do a little research before you call them some name that belittles their belief.

Do I think people should stand for the National Anthem? Yes. Do I think people have a right to protest the National Anthem with a peaceful protest? Also yes.

We have a serious racial problem in this country and it did not end with the election of a black President in 2008. We can either stand and shout at each other, or we can try and hear each other out. Calling Colin Kaepernick a “spoiled whiny baby” and then promising to boycott the NFL isn’t the American thing to do.

And stop playing the “he’s-being-disrespectful-to-the-military” card. This has nothing to do with the military, and when you say that, you only hope to shut down any debate. Our Armed Forces didn’t fight so we could sing a song to the flag; they fought for every principle and ideal the flag stands for ... one of which is the right to protest."

Edited to Add:
Personally, I choose to stand for the playing of the national anthem. But I do so under the protection of the Constitution, which also protects those who choose differently. I support their rights, as well.

Hello, New Drug. ("Life, Medicated." Part 13)

It's been nearly three months since my psychiatrist recommended adding a new medication for my depression, and the results have been good.

I swear, I feel like I've been very lucky with meds. Only once has a medication not worked for me, and my doctor took me off that right away. But other than that, we've been hitting the nail right on the head with what I need.

So right now, I take three medications. I take Abilify for anxiety, Wellbutrin for depression, and Temazepam for my insomnia. The dosages are small for each, but they seem to be enough to make a difference for me.

Specifically, what is each drug doing for me? The Abilify helps calm me down. Without it, my mind races a mile a minute and I can never relax. The Wellbutrin keeps me from getting too sedentary and stationary. It allows me to feel energized and able (and willing) to take on each day. And the Temazepam helps me to stay asleep and get a full eight hours. So far, so good.

I'm not saying that medication is a cure-all for everyone. That is a decision best made by each person in consultation with their medical professionals. For me, though, this combination seems to be doing the trick.

So what's missing? Honestly, I have not been scheduling therapy appointments. I know that talking things out with a licensed therapist is good for me, but something keeps holding me back. I think I feel almost like, "what am I going to hear that I don't already know?"

But that's just a cop-out. Each time I see my therapist, I walk away with a fresh insight into something that has been challenging me. I know going is a good thing, so I am going to make those sessions a priority and get in for them.

What I want people to know most is that I am doing okay right now. I know low moments, and I have weathered many of those. But right now, I'm feeling more balanced and in control of my emotions and thoughts. After so much time moping about or anxious about everything, this is a good place to be.

If you are feeling anxious or depressed, there's help available for you. Learn more about both here. Reach out to your friends, your family, or medical professionals. You are not alone and you are not the only one struggling.

You matter.
You are loved.
And we need you to stay.