How To Create A Text Shortcut

If there are things you type repeatedly, like an email address or a set of hashtags, setting up text replacement shortcuts can save you a significant amount of time. And they're easy to set up. 

(Note: These instructions are for an Apple iOS device. I'm not familiar with Android products and don't know how to access similar functionality.)

First, choose "Settings"

Scroll down to "Keyboard"

Select "Text Replacement"

Select "+" to create new shortcut

In my example, I wanted to create a shortcut that I could use to quickly add hashtags for a Ragnar Relay race. I added the text in the "Phrase" box and then created a three character shortcut (ras).

Here it is, in action. 

And that's it. It's that simple. Enjoy!

"Religious Freedom - What it means and what it doesn’t."

Religious freedom means you have the right to believe (or not) in a higher power. You have the right to worship (or not) as you choose. And you have the right to live your life in a way that reflects those beliefs.

Religious freedom does not mean other people must believe as you do. It does not mean other people must act as you do. And it does not mean that you have the right to deny others care, goods, or services in the public sector because you do not approve of their lawful behavior.

Legislation that claims to defend religious freedom sounds good, until you realize that other people have religious beliefs, too, and they may differ greatly from your own.

Are we okay with a county clerk refusing to issue a marriage license to a divorced woman, claiming that “... anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. [Matthew 5:32]”

Are we okay with a clerk refusing to issue a hunting license because harming animals for sport violate her Wiccan beliefs that all life is sacred?

Are we okay with a grocery store checker refusing to sell wine to a customer because doing so would violate her belief as a Mormon that alcohol is sinful?

Are we okay with an employee of the driver’s license bureau refusing to issue a license to a woman? An interracial couple denied a hotel room? A single mother turned away from an apartment complex? Because some religious teachings claim that women should not drive, races should not mix, and out-of-wedlock births are a sin.

It’s easy to hide behind “religious freedom” when the religion in question aligns with yours. It’s only difficult when others seek the same “freedom” to discriminate against you.

This is America. And here, all people are equal in the eyes of the law. That still means something to me. No amount of fear-mongering or bigotry is going to change that.

How Do I Pack For A Relay Race?

So, you've been asked to join a relay race and now you're freaking out because you have no idea what to pack.

No problem. Here is your easy how-to-pack guide.

A few assumptions:

1. There is limited space in the van and you are sharing it with several other runners
2. You want to compact everything you can into as little a bundle as possible
3. You want to be able to find what you need without removing everything from your bag
4. You will want most of your stuff packed away but will need ready access to a few personal things (phone, wallet, snacks, water, etc.)

The solution? Plastic bags. Lots and lots of clear plastic bags. I use the gallon size freezer bags because they are stronger and won't tear. Grab those, a black sharpie, and get organized.

And it all looks like this.

These gallon sized bags are for the running clothes you will wear each leg. 

These bags are for other items I will explain below.

Same, more items you will need.

This is what I will wear for my first leg. When I finish running and change clothes, I will put these sweaty clothes back into this bag and seal it up. That helps keep the van smelling clean and fresh instead of like an old locker room.

This is what I will wear on leg 2. That is typically a night run, so I want to make sure I am as visible as possible.
 

This is what I will wear on my third leg.

And here they are, all packed tightly in plastic bags and ready to go. I can easily find each bag and be ready to go without looking for my shorts, shirt, or socks.

This is one of the cold weather bags. It has my sweatpants and a long-sleeve tech shirt. I don't expect to need this to run, but I want to have it just in case the weather changes and I need to be warmer.

This is my second cold weather bag. I have a light-weight hoodie and a beanie in here. I wouldn't run in this, but I will probably want to put it on when I am out supporting my other teammates on their night legs.

This is all the gear I will need at night. I have a safety vest, headlamps, and rear blinky lights so I will be as visible as possible to other runners, team vans, and cars just passing by.

The towel and washcloth (in its own smaller bag) so I can wash up after each leg.

This is my run gear. It's my Road ID, my Halo headband, safety pins for my big, snacks in case I am hungry before I go out, and a safety vest custom-altered by my husband for my iPhone 6. I wear it every single leg, even during the day. It makes me more visible to drivers and it's super convenient to just pin my race bib on one time and wear the same vest all three times.

Here's the same run gear packed tightly into the bag. I also pack an extra pair of earbuds in this bag so I am not scrambling around to find them when it comes time to run. 

And here's everything packed into my gym bag and ready to go. My running shoes fit in here, too. Packing the bags tightly means I can get away with a smaller bag.

My First-Aid kit. Don't leave home without it.

These items are for my personal bag. I have my phone charger, extra reading glasses, sunglasses, a ball cap, and an extra headlamp. That comes in handy when I am trying to read a map or the Relay Guidebook at night and don't want to blind the driver with the overhead light. 

This is my refillable water bottle. We carry a 5-gallon bottle with a pump on top, so we can all use personal bottles instead of buying cases of disposable water bottles. Plus, it's easy to see at a glance which bottle is which since they all look a little different.

I also pack a small toiletry bag with just the basics. No one wants to ride next to a stinky runner.

Here's the personal bag, packed and ready. Because it's small, I can keep this bag near me in the van and have all that I need. My other bigger bag can go in the back of the van or underneath the seats and be out of everyone's way.

This is it. All I need to run a relay race.

And with that, I'm ready to go!

"Different Christians, Different Baskets."

I'll preface this by saying that I am no longer a Christian. Like most people I know, I was born into a Christian household and those beliefs were passed down to me. My mother was a twice-yearly visitor to church while my grandparents made more of an effort to get us Sunday Mass more often. We all believed in "the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit" because it was all we ever knew.

As an adult, I made several attempts to settle into my faith, but it never really felt right. I always struggled with the inconsistencies, vague explanations, and self-serving interpretations. I couldn't reconcile the reality of what was happening in front of me with the never-ending rationalizations.

"Joe and Jane died in a car crash, but thankfully Jesus protected their little baby in the back seat." So why didn't Jesus just pump the brakes and save them all?

"We need to pray for Bobby to survive his battle with cancer."

You mean the cancer that God let him get?

"You need to tithe to the church."

I should give money to another mega-church instead to the homeless and hungry?

The final straw, though, was the disconnect between self-proclaimed Christians and their anything-but-Christ-like behavior towards those with different social, political, or personal values, beliefs, and opinions. It just seemed odd to have people claim an allegiance to the Prince of Peace and then act so hateful to anyone who believed differently. (Disclaimer: I am focusing on Christianity because that is how I was raised. In the bigger picture, though, my disbelief applies across all religions.)

So here I am today, nearly 50 years old and comfortable acknowledging that my life begins and ends in this world and that the only afterlife available to me is the legacy of kindness and service to others that they will, perhaps, continue to pass on after I am gone. And that's enough for me. I don't really spend my time arguing the existence (or lack thereof) with my friends who are believers. Doesn't seem like there is much point to that sort of behavior.

So why am I writing this on Easter Sunday, arguably the most important observed date in Christianity?

Because even though I don't personally believe, Christianity continues to be a source of frustration and anger for me. And I'm hoping that by taking the time to sit with my thoughts and work through them, I'll be able to identify and express exactly what is bothering me in all of this.

This is just my opinion, of course, but I think that Christians can be sorted into different categories based on their actions.

In Word Only

These are the folks who identify as Christian but really have no strong connection to their faith or any church. There's is much more a passive belief most likely ingrained from childhood. Ask them and they'll say they believe in God, but there faith means little more than that.

In Word, In Deed

These folks are absolutely more committed to their faith. They believe in God and they try to live their lives in a way that honors that belief. They are not perfect, but they are genuinely kind and loving people who work to make this world a better place as a way to honor and represent their God.

These folks are powerful and important and amazing. And to be honest, they were the ones that kept me coming back to religion, because their behavior and personal examples were compelling and inspiring. They were exactly what I always wanted religion to be but had long ago stopped hoping for.

There are too many to mention them all, and I consider myself fortunate to have that sort of "problem" in my life. But I'll publicly celebrate Lisa, Nancy, Colleen, Jenny and Jeff, Alicia and Brian, Sue and Tim, and Dani for showing all of us what it means to live your faith. You have my thanks and my respect.

Anything But

But then we have these people, the ones who claim to be Christian but act very differently. These are the people so willing to speak for God because they have all the answers. They scream and yell and threaten. They allow for no dissent. It's not enough for them to be free to worship as they please. They demand that their religious views be honored and accommodated no matter how it infringes upon others. They want prayer in school as long as it is the prayer that they believe. They want religion in control of the public square and the public purse.

These are the people who openly mock and insult those who believe differently. They jeer at City Council meetings when someone else offers a different prayer. They screech "Merry Christmas" as a challenge instead of a greeting. They expect non-believes to stand quietly and respectfully during Christian prayers at school events but protest Yoga in physical education classes because it promotes eastern religions. They expect to operate in the public market but want to be allowed to discriminate against anyone who doesn't share their view of Christianity.

In short, these people are assholes. They act as if this entire nation was created just for them and they expect the rest of us to fall in line with their beliefs. And they wouldn't know a Christian act if Jesus himself showed up and performed it in front of them.

Yes, I know that these people are a minority. They are but one type of Christian, and it's not fair to sort them into the same basket as the other two types I mentioned.

But it happens. I do it. I judge them all by the actions of the worst of them. I know it's wrong and I am working on it, but I do it.

For that, to my Christian friends who live their faith... I am sorry. I know that you do not deserve the scorn or ridicule that comes so easily to me these days. Your kindness does not deserve to be met with insults or judgment.

I will try to do right by you. And when I don't, I ask that you remind me of these words above. I'm not perfect, either. But I can certainly be better. I suppose we all can.

And to the others, the self-proclaimed Christians who seek to create a theocracy in this country, know this. I will continue to fight you and your bullshit every time, every place, at every opportunity. Because this country deserves better than you.

"Those People Are The Problem."

Those people are the problem. Obviously. And it's time we admitted it.

I'm curious. When you read the title and the first sentence, what came to your mind? Who did you think about when you read the words, "those people"?

Because we all know "those people."

Muslims. Blacks. Cops. Immigrants. Homosexuals. Millennials. Helicopter Moms. Right Wing Christians. Atheists. Parents. The unemployed. The One Percent. The list goes on and on.

So tell me, which of "those people" are the problem? Which group is to blame for whatever negative situation has impacted your life? Who is responsible?
_________

Or, maybe, there is no such thing as "those people." What if there is no great conspiracy and coordinated effort to attack you and your life?

There are just people.

Family. Friends. Neighbors. Teammates. Co-workers. And yes, even strangers. All just people.

_________

I share this as a reminder to myself (and anyone else willing to listen). When I read a story about union workers striking someone across the country, I need to remember that these aren't freeloaders refusing to work. They are people fighting for a fair wage and a safe working environment.

When I read a story about college students protesting tuition hikes, I need to remember that these aren't entitled, spoiled kids demanding attention. They are passionate, committed people working for the benefit of all students.

And there are other situations that are more difficult for me to process. When I read a story about a small town council passing an ordinance that treats gays and lesbians as second-class citizens, I need to remember that these aren't purposely hateful bigots. They are people who honestly believe that their actions are somehow protecting their town.

The last example is incredibly hard for me to accept, because my gut reaction is to respond with mocking and anger. But when I think about it calmly and objectively, I know that reacting in kind isn't going to do anything to address the problem. Instead, I need to listen to their concerns and help them understand how what they are doing is not really helping them but rather is just hurting others.

Be clear, though. I am not advocating a peace-at-all-costs, pacifist position. Present yourself as a danger to me and mine and I will fight you in whatever way necessary.

What I am trying to say here is that, when possible, I need to remember that my political, financial, and social opponents are still people trying to get through this life. They are doing what they think is best for them and those they love, and that is a different perspective than presuming they are actively trying to hurt others.

Why does this matter? Because it impacts the best way to resolve conflict with the opposition. If someone is actively trying to hurt me, there isn't a lot of middle ground. I need to fight back to defend against them. But if someone means well but is just ignorant or misinformed, there is a greater possibility that I can reach them with facts and communication.

Yes, I know. That sounds like touchy-feely crap. And for some instances, perhaps it is. But if education and open dialog can resolve conflict, isn't it worth it to at least try?

Maybe this makes sense. Maybe it's all rambling. Maybe waking up at 4am and being unable to sleep is not the best cue to share my feelings.

Or... maybe... these words will resonate with someone else and they will try to be a little less confrontational, a little less us vs them, and a little less battle-ready. Maybe they will talk openly and listen actively and discover that "those people" weren't the problem all along.

Some Days...

Some days, I feel like I am the king of the gym. Other days, I feel like I am the guy hoping no one notices me as I struggle through my workout.

Today is the latter. I haven't been here for a month because of the bronchitis/flu/pneumonia. And I know this is going to be rough. 

But I'm here. And that is what matters. So let's do this!

"Brother, Let Me Be Your Shelter."

What a mixed bag of emotions yesterday turned out to be. I spent most of the day enjoying Universal Studios Hollywood and our sneak preview of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I was able to catch up with my own lovely Dora, Janeth Paris. And I laughed and joked and enjoyed the company of my husband and fifteen of our amazing friends.

And then came the news that Eric Klimt had fallen and was killed during a climb at Zion National Park. And the world was suddenly a little darker, a little sadder, and a little less for having lost him.

But in the light of the new day, I understand that losing Eric is a consequence of knowing and caring about him. And what would be the alternative, to go through life closed off to the greatness that other people bring?

Nope. I will continue to be joyful that other people walk into my life (literally, with Eric, as he walked over from a neighboring campsite). I will remain grateful for the immeasurable ways they enrich this world. And when our time together has passed, I will rely on the strength of friends as I remember, as I grieve, and as I continue in this world without you.

Life is a very good thing, indeed. Surround yourself with those who feel the same way and enjoy this journey.

Ramblers in the wilderness
Yeah we can't find what we need
We get a little restless from the searching
Get a little worn down in between

Like a bull chasing a matador
is man left to his own schemes
But everybody needs someone beside ‘em
Shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call when you're low
Brother let me be your fortress
when the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

Face down in the desert now
There's a cage locked around my heart
I found a way to drop the keys where my failures were
now my hands can't reach that far

I ain't made for a rivalry
I could never take the world alone
I know that in my weakness I am strong
but it's your love that brings me home

Brother let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call when you're low
Brother let me be your fortress
when the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

And when you call
And need me near
Say it when you go
Brother I’m right here

And on those days
When the sky begins to fall
You’re the blood of my blood
We can get through it all

Brother let me be your shelter
Never leave you all alone
I can be the one you call when you're low
Brother let me be your fortress
when the night winds are driving on
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home

"My Cry For Help."

I have a pretty good idea where this blog post is going, so I feel I should make a few things clear right away.

I am not in any danger.
I am not thinking of harming myself.
I am not at risk right now.
I am okay and have every intention of staying that way.

There. I think that’s pretty clear. And if you read any of the things that follow and find yourself concerned, please scroll back up and read those statements again. It is not my intention to alarm anyone. But I am going to be candid.

And now, back to the topic at hand, “My Cry For Help.”

It’s probably not a surprise to most that I have been struggling in nearly every way possible. The details may have gone under the radar for most of you, though. I have gained weight, lost motivation, failed to train properly, backed out of commitments, battled with insomnia, fought with family and friends, alienated loved ones, and generally failed in every way possible. It’s hard to see all of that in black and white, but the truth is what it is. Denial isn’t going to help me change anything.

Over the last year and a half, I have been broken down, literally in tears, usually for reasons that made no sense at the time. I didn’t think about killing myself, but I spent more time than I care to admit just wishing that somehow, in some vague and abstract way, everything going on around me would just stop and I wouldn’t have to deal with any of it , anymore. (I have since discovered that is a fairly common response, to want whatever it takes to end the pain but not to want to actually end it all. It’s a slight but important distinction.)

Looking back, I can see that I was lying to myself about many things. I bragged about being part of From Fat To Finish Line but slowly put most of the weight back on. I supported Veteran Suicide Prevention groups but hid how much I worried I would be one of those statistics. I pretended I was coping, but those close to me could tell that I was out of control. I kept doing the big, grand things but stumbled over my daily routine. I would keep it together for days only to snap over something inconsequential. And those closest to me continued to pay the price for that, often finding themselves on the receiving end of whatever personal turmoil was spilling out.

Worse still, I was no longer a good friend. Sure, on the outside it all seemed fine. But I wasn’t there to support the people in my life who needed me. I was so wrapped up in what was happening to me and in my own darkness that I became oblivious to those around me. Everything in my world turned inwards.

I don’t know that I can put into words what it felt like. My every nerve felt raw, and my emotional response to anything good or bad was disproportionate. It was like everything was the saddest song, the saddest movie, the saddest image. Or it was the opposite, the greatest moment and the wildest party and best night out ever. There was very little middle ground, just everything turned up to Maximum Level.

I’m writing all of that in the past tense, so you might think this is a story of how I turned it all around. You would be mistaken. I haven’t. This is very much a present tense challenge for me. I’m smack dab in the middle of this awful situation, in fact. The beginning was everything going sideways, the middle is where I fully acknowledge what has been happening and the impact it has had on me and others, and the (hopeful) next stage is where I crawl back out of this mess and get back to a life worth living.

I have done a few things right in the past year. I started seeing a counselor, not  often but enough that I have a safe place to talk things through and get a better feel for the choices I am making and the impact they have. I made changes to the way I engage on social media, tightening my circle a bit and surrounding myself with good, caring people. (That was its own debacle, but more on that another time.) I have traveled on my own to spend time with friends and be reminded of what truly matters. I have made my peace with a few “trigger” events that were fueling my depression, and that has allowed me to work through grief and loss and move on instead of being stuck in the sorrow. Mostly, though, I have accepted that I do not need to pretend that I am okay when I am not, as if the whole world will come to a grinding halt if Captain Awesome is anything less than… well… awesome.

So why am I calling this “My Cry For Help”? I mean, that’s pretty dramatic. It’s not as if I’m stuck up a tree like a cat needed the fire department to rush to my aid. I’m handling my day-to-day obligations, getting through the rough spots, and experiencing more good than bad. And that’s a Win, believe me.

But this is a cry for help in that I am putting it all out there for the world to see. I’m not sugar-coating or glossing over the ugly bits. The truth is, I have been on the verge of a complete meltdown for a while now and I refuse to stand out on that ledge any longer. I am finding my way back one day at a time, one good decision at a time, one conversation with a friend at a time, one personal connection and one brick in my foundation at a time. So please know that I am doing the best I can in any given moment.

 So what does this look like, the next stage in my journey? To be honest, I don’t exactly know.

I am heading to Phoenix this morning to take part in the Ragnar Relay Del Sol. I will be surrounded by my running team, Kilty Pleasures, and I will completely lose myself in the comfort and joy that brings. They are all people that bring out the best in me, that make me feel loved and supported, and that make me feel genuinely happy, and that is something I need right now. And while I am out on the course running my miles, I will have plenty of time to think about what lies ahead for me. I have two other relay races in April (SoCal and Austin) and I am running the OKC Memorial Marathon, so I will need to make training a priority.

Mostly, though, I am going to keep taking one day at a time, staying in the moment and enjoying what is happening around me. My troubles are few compared when I think about how fortunate  I really am in this life, and I will make every effort to remember that.

I am okay right now. And I will be okay as long as I am honest with myself. Life isn’t perfect, but it’s good. And good is good enough.

This is me. No excuses, just me.
And I'm good with that.

I'll Take This Victory.

Some days, I feel awesome, like I can take on the world and win. Other days, it's as if the universe is conspiring against me and I've failed at everything before I even begin.

And that's the reality of life. There will always be tough days. But even a bad day can have bright spots. And if you can't find one, make one.

Today, my great moment came as I finished today's Sunrise 5k. I had set a goal, met it, and even slightly exceeded it. So no matter what else comes my way today, this victory is mine to celebrate all day long.

Thinking Out Loud

There's a comfort and an ease about time spent with people that you trust completely. Words flow, spirits soar, and hearts are healed.

I can't say it more plainly than that. I'm truly grateful to have these people in my life. 

"By The Time"

By the time the light forces its way into the room, I've already been awake for hours.

By the time my feet touch the floor, I've already imagined the worst scenarios of the day to come.

By the time I'm out the door, I've already fantasized a dozen better alternatives.

By the time I sit at my desk, I'm already in a foul mood.

By the time I leave for lunch, i'm frustrated at how I've wasted the last several hours.

By the time I finish work for the day, I'm naively hoping that I might still be productive later.

By the time I get home, I'm shutting down inside. 

By the time I go to bed, I'm mentally exhausted. 

By the time I go to sleep, I'm already dreading the day to come.

Running? What running?

This has not been a good year for me as a runner. Once again, I've let the craziness of the real world distract me from taking care of my health.

I have a Ragnar Relay in three weeks. And a full marathon two weeks after that. I don't feel trained for either event.

Candidly, I need to get my shit together. This is a bad situation that continues to get worse.

This coming Thursday, I leave town for a ten day mental-health vacation. And I fully expect my calorie intake will be high as I eat and drink my way across the country.

Oddly enough, I'm okay with that. I need to focus on my heart and soul right now. When I return on the 31st of January, I'll make physical fitness a priority.

But, that isn't to say that the next ten days will be a free-for-all. Healthy eating won't be my primary goal, but I will work to make smarter choices when the opportunities arise.

If it all sounds rather muddled and unclear, then you are reading it correctly. I'm not sure exactly how this trip is going to go. But I will do what I can, when I can, and deal with the consequences when I get back.

Healthy living and fitness is a lifelong journey. And sometimes, there will be necessary detours along the way. This is one of them. 

My First Write-cation

It's currently January 18th, 2016, and this is the first blog entry I've posted this year. Honestly, it's poor form to consider myself a writer when I'm not writing. So it's time to do something about that.

I have planned a Write-cation for myself. It's an extended trip that is the right balance between time alone, sightseeing, new adventures, and reunions with long-time friends.

*edit*
I started writing out the details of my planned trip, but I opted to delete that. I think I'll wait and share the details as the trip unfolds.

I will say this: I will be gone eleven days, visit ten different states, (hopefully) catch up with seven different friends, utilize at least six modes of transportation, and write thousands of words.

That's the plan. I leave this Thursday, Jan 21st, and you're invited to follow along through the blog or Instagram.

It's time to travel and write and reconnect.

Aaaaand, go!





(Image credit.)

"Energy"

It surrounds me. It’s the hum of the ceiling fan, steady and constant. It’s the vibration of the floor, fueled by the washing man in a room on the far side of the house. It’s the sway of the trees outside my window, the branches gently pushed back and forth by an otherwise imperceptible wind.

It is hundreds of mourners praying, the silence broken by the random murmured “amen” and “halleluia.” The seated bodies a contrast to the fevered workings of the hearts and souls. “Take him, Jesus, back to the house you have prepared for him,” the preacher pleaded. “Welcome back your blessed servant.” And the energy of the crowd flowed like a wave to the body still and calm.

Energy is alive and dynamic, bouncing wall to wall and floor to ceiling. It’s the voices stepping over each other to be heard, a cacophony of shrieks and remember-whens and joyful accusations, pointed barbs and witty retorts. Perhaps it’s too much, too loud, but it’s a defiant statement to the universe. There is life in this place and it will not be silenced. And the room remembers, the laughter lingering in the air long after the voices have faded.

Energy is the sunshine leaking through the curtains. Subtle at first, then undeniable. It pulls me to the window, to bathe in the warmth of the morning. And it propels me out into the day, to engage and experience and live.

So I do.

"About That Old Time Religion..."

I'll start with the not-so-surprising fact that I consider myself agnostic.
__________________

ag·nos·tic

aɡˈnästik/

noun

1. 1.

   a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.

__________________

I say this is a not-so-surprising fact in that my public postings here, on Facebook, and on Twitter, have all implied as much.

But I'm sharing it here, now, in absolute and direct terms.

I am agnostic. I believe that we can not know anything with certainty about the existence (or lack thereof) of any higher power.

Can god exist? Sure, that's possible. But "god" can just as likely be an alien from another galaxy who has created everything known to man as his own version of an Ant Farm.

Sound crazy? Not really. We have ZERO physical evidence of any god. He may be the god of the Bible, the god of the ancients, or the god of "just one of a billion intelligent creatures who have their own little Earth creations."

Sure, if pressed, I lean strongly towards atheism. But I can't prove the absence of a higher power any more than I can prove the existence of one, so I have to maintain integrity and admit that there is a possibility - tiny, remote, highly unlikely - that there is a god.

Now, all that said, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about religion, spirituality, and the connectivity between beliefs and actions. And I have come to a few conclusions, which are interesting to me though not necessarily to anyone else. (Still, it's my blog, so here they are. Read, skim, or scroll as you desire.)

I realize that I have LONG ago moved away from religion. But the rational, empirical, fact-based response was not the reason I gave up religion. That approach came later.

The reason I gave up religion wasn't that I didn't believe. It was my disgust with all of the people who DO believe and yet lived their lives in such a way that their very faith seemed a lie.

What do I mean by that? I'll give a single example.

Preacher Joe is a self-professed man of faith. Yet he lives in a mansion, preaches hate and damnation, and ignores the plight of his fellow man living with poverty, hunger, and homelessness.

This man considers himself an example of the best religion can do, yet his actions show nothing but scorn for what the Bible calls God's greatest creation, the human being.

Nope. If that was religion, I knew early on that I wanted no part of it.

Fast forward to the last thirty years or so, where religion moved squarely into the political process. And more recently, fueled by the instantly accessible audience, the social media machine. Religion isn't about loving each other and caring for the weak amongst us. It's about attacking those who believe differently than you do. It's about creating and maintaining an Us vs. Them mindset. And it's about hypocrites and sinners proclaiming themselves above the judgement of others.

America, the great land built on religious freedom, is now a nation of hate and bigotry. Here's just one example:

We pretend we want "freedom of religion" in the public square, but we don't. We want "freedom of MY religion," and the Christian majority refuses to allow any encroachment on what they have long considered their domain. Here, an example of a Christian deciding that a non-Christian display in the same public space was unacceptable. Or here and here and here and here, multiple examples of minority religions being discriminated against.

And of course, there's the endless demand to allow religion in schools, but only when that religion is Christian. Native American cultures, minority religions, secularism... all are happily pushed aside because some believe that this country is a Christian Nation. We are not. The Constitution guarantees that.

There are countless other examples, but they all share a common trait. Christians do not respect the religious beliefs of others nor do they believe they deserve the same right to exist and be acknowledged in the public arena.

And this, for the few of you who held on through this long blog entry, is at the heart of where I believe Christianity in this nation has failed so miserably. You cannot require someone to share your beliefs. And in this nation, you cannot require them to pretend to do so to participate in the secular business of government.

Long before my scientific mind understood that ancient religion was merely story-telling, my heart understood that the people of this country were wielding religion like a weapon.

And then, as now, I want none of it.

Joshua Tree Without Ric

I'm not okay.

I'm having a tough time right now. Instead of feeling the holiday spirit, I'm feeling the weight of obligations, expectations, and loss.

It's not a good place to me. Each day, the pressure and stress seem to pile on, and soon enough I'll snap.

And that's not good at all.

But I don't need to struggle with this by myself. I have access to professional help and I'd be a fool to not take advantage of that.

This morning, I made an appointment to see a therapist next week. He is the same person I talked with last summer when I was going through a similar difficult time, and I think that seeing him again will help me clear my head.

There is no shame in knowing that you need help and being smart enough to get it.

Words From My Novel

"I can handle you leaving. It's your coming back that hurts."

The 50 Project - Fitness

Hard to believe, but it was ten years ago that I first started blogging at "Falling Into Forty." I wanted to work on all aspects of my life and the blog was the perfect place to capture it all. 

Now, I'm looking ahead to my next big milestone - Turning 50!

The first component is the most basic, my health and fitness. I would be very happy to be at my goal weight by my 50th birthday, and that only happens with consistent exercise, healthy eating, and moderation with the treats and alcohol. 

I won't be perfect, but I can certainly be better. And today was a great start at the new gym.

It was a challenge to get out of a warm, comfy bed and get to the gym. I'm glad I did it. But my real challenge today will be to make better nutrition choices.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Thinking Out Loud...

"There are more good people out there than bad" is the lie I keep telling myself so I won't just give up on humanity completely.