The Worst Blog I've Ever Written.

Yep. No doubt, this is the worst blog I've ever written. Don't say I didn't warn you.

First, let's talk about what it is not:

• It's not a "poor me" blog
• It's not an "everything is someone else's fault" blog
• It's not a "life is hopeless" blog
• It's not a "feel bad about myself" blog
• And it's not a "secretly wanting everyone to tell me how great I am" blog

And what it is:

• It's where I come clean with myself, my friends, and anyone else who stumbles across this post
• It's where I admit to myself the damage I've done
• It's where I explain my struggles
• And it's how I turn things around

Sounds like a lot, right? It is. It's good and bad and personal and it all needs to be said so I can get myself back on the right track. So let's get started.

I started my weight loss journey in June 2010. Soon after, it became about more than just dropping pounds, and my health and fitness pursuit truly began. Over nearly five years, I have lost and gained weight, taken on new challenges, and run multiple events of every distance from 5ks to marathons. More importantly, I've taken control of my life and improved everything about myself. 

I'm proud of my accomplishments. 

But I've also fallen into the trap of focusing more on what I have done and less on what I need to be doing right now. Sure, it's great that I've completed six full marathons. But the last time I ran 26.2 miles was October 2013. And I've run multiple relay races, but over the last year, my pace has slowed down considerably.

And my eating? It's terrible. I went from tracking my nutrition and enjoying occasional treats to defaulting to fast food every day for lunch. All those empty calories, and all because I've been too lazy and too unmotivated to take the time to prepare a healthy meal to bring to work.

Running and working out? No. Just, no. I can count on one hand the times I have been out running in the last two months. And strength training? Nope. None at all.

Obviously, all of this has taken its toll on my body. I have gained weight steadily over the last year or so, and now, I barely recognize me. I know it's obvious to anyone who has seen me in person, and it's to the point where it's impossible to hide in pictures.

Here I am a week ago in Nashville with my teammates.

Even without the neon orange shirt, you can't miss me. And you can't miss that I've put on a lot of weight.

How much? Here's the awful truth. I weighed in yesterday morning at nearly 230. Let that sink in for a moment. I am one of those people who loses a lot of weight and fails to keep it off. It sucks, but it's true.

At my lowest weight on this journey, I weighed 182 the morning of the Pasadena Marathon. And I ran that event feeling lean and strong.

I want that again. I will have that again. And it starts right here with all of this honesty.

I have a plan for the next 30 days. And that plan gets me ready for the six month marathon training plan I have queued up right behind it. (I'll share more about the 30 Day Challenge tomorrow.)

Tonight, when I click Publish, I will be sharing with everyone what I consider to be my failure. Some of you will understand and think, "that could be my story, too." Others of you might think, "yeah, it happens." And still others might say, "so much for Captain Awesome, this guy is just another failure."

I can't control what anyone else thinks. I CAN control what I think. And me, I think I am going to get back to the basics that helped me be successful the first time. I am going to be eat better, be active, and repeat consistently. I am also going to share these next several months candidly, since keeping secrets has never been a good thing for me to do.

I know what I need to do. And I know that sharing my setbacks will help hold me accountable for fighting back through them. 

Here we go, friends. Start the clock, because I have so many things I will accomplish in 2015 and not a whole lot of time in which to do it.

Ready? Go!